<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>lavender skies. / cherry blossom trees. by Anonymous</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27753787">lavender skies. / cherry blossom trees.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Angst with a Happy Ending, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fluff, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Moving On, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Past Relationship(s), based off of a kdrama, glass molder!jaemin, surgeon!jeno</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:02:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,631</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27753787</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After six long years of roaming the world as a ghost, Na Jaemin is given the chance to stay alive if he returns to his place within 49 days, his place being as Lee Jeno's husband and his daughter's father.</p><p>Sounds easy, until you realize that Jeno remarried three years ago to a nurse.</p><p>Jaemin is torn between getting in the way of Jeno's marriage just to stay alive or sacrificing himself to keep his daughter happy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Minor or Background Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>(heavily based off of the kdrama "hi, bye mama!" i had first watched this in may 2020 but i recently rewatched it and i am now writing a fic based on it :&gt;)</p><p>my first chaptered fic ahh !! i have wanted to do this for so long and its finally here ^^ this chapter will be short since it's only the beginning but expect future chapters to be longer !! enjoy !!</p><p>– leon</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>2006</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jeno and Jaemin, age 16</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>In a white row of stairs, in a spacious, lonely mall, there are two young boys – Lee Minhyung and Lee Jeno – running down the row of stairs, both panting heavily and yelling at the top of their lungs. Minhyung, a 17 year old high school student, is ahead of Jeno, clutching onto his jean jacket and Jeno’s backpack as he sprints down the stairs. Jeno yells, white sneakers squeaking against the polished floor as he tries to catch up to the older, black hoodie long gone, left in his blue tee and denim jeans.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you, Minhyung, I’m not going!” Jeno yells, once he catches up to Minhyung. He takes his backpack from Minhyung’s hands. “The exams are starting soon, and what? Soccer?” He stands across from where Minhyung stood, and he gives the older a nasty look before speaking again.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You must be out of your mind,” Jeno scrunches his nose up. “And you look like a fly right now!” He turns around and starts walking, ready to go home and study for the goddamn exams, but Minhyung grabs his bag before he can do anything.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Minhyung screeches, and Jeno turns back to look at him. “Donghyuck said he’s bringing a friend. And he’s really pretty!” Jeno rolls his eyes. “Jeno, we did so much to get into </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> school. Are you just going to study? What about dating?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to date </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Jeno snatches his bag. “That’s not why I came here. Med students shouldn’t slack off!” He quickly gives Minhyung a death glare. “Your parents should be ashamed of you.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” Jeno turns around again, and Minhyung gives him a stern look. “Didn’t I tell you not to talk about my parents?” He snatches the younger’s bag again, running off to wherever the hell he was originally planning to go to.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno stares into the distance. “Ah, Lee Minhyung, that little jerk!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>In a loud, crowded restaurant, a soccer game plays on the large TV screen from across a small table where two young boys sit. Na Jaemin, a 16 year old, turns to look at his friend Lee Donghyuck, also 16, who has just told him who he invited over to their hangout.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“A medical student? Gosh, you invited them without telling me? I’m leaving,” Jaemin stands up to leave, running a hand through his dark brown hair. Grabbing his backpack, he makes his way towards the exit, and Donghyuck sucks the honey remaining barbecue sauce off of his fingers as he sprints to stand in Jaemin’s way.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, hey, hey,” Donghyuck grabs Jaemin’s wrists. “We’re just going to watch soccer, I’m not telling you to date him,” Donghyuck states. Jaemin rolls his eyes, and slings his backpack over his shoulder. “Ah, I don’t feel comfortable meeting new people!” Jaemin whines.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I get it,” Donghyuck takes Jaemin’s backpack and sets it down on one of the seats. He takes Jaemin’s wrists to guide him back down. “Just sit back down. Come on.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>As Jaemin and Donghyuck sit back down, Minhyung and Jeno enter the restaurant. Minhyung holds onto Jeno’s wrist as they walk down the many sections of crowded tables.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I’m only staying for 30 minutes, okay?” Jeno says, trying to sound serious, but Minhyung rolls his eyes and scoffs, clearly not buying it. “Who told you to date him? We’re just going to watch soccer!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno sighs, “Fine. Hurry up–”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's your fault we couldn’t watch–!” Minhyung interrupts. Jeno raises his hand to threaten Minhyung with his fist, all while they keep walking. “Soccer really isn’t important right now. Unbelievable.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minhyung rolls his eyes again and turns back around. He finds his boyfriend Donghyuck in the distance, and calls out to him. “Hyuck!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck looks up and smiles widely. “Minhyung!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minhyung sprints to Donghyuck, and they quickly share a hug before Minhyung turns around to point at Jeno. “I brought my friend.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno sighs and hangs his head low. Clearly, he doesn’t want to be there – curse Minhyung for dragging him somewhere he doesn’t want to be in. It’s not good for his introverted self, god damn it!</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>After quickly sulking, Jeno looks back up, and the sight he sees before his eyes is breathtaking.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Standing shyly next to Minhyung and Donghyuck is a tall, slim, brown–haired boy with two big doe eyes and a pierced nose wearing a pink sweater. Jeno’s breath hitches as he takes in the boy’s beauty. The boy looks back, and they immediately lock eyes. It feels as though time has frozen, as if the crowd went silent and stopped moving. Despite the ruckus around them, Jeno doesn’t move; he doesn’t think he breathes, either, staying in place as he stares dazedly at the boy across from him. The boy doesn’t move, either, staring straight back at him in awe. The boy smiles at him, and Jeno’s heart nearly stops beating.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It only took them three seconds to see each other and fall in love.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno smiles back, shyly looking down at his feet momentarily before looking back at the boy. The boy doesn’t stop smiling – his eyes, hands and feet locked in place as he stares.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love approached them at an unexpected moment, pretending to be something ordinary.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Do you believe in love at first sight?</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin certainly does. He believed it the second he saw Jeno, believed it as soon as they locked eyes and stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>(Jaemin smiles brightly as he watches his beloved boyfriend run out of school and into his arms.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are classes over?” Jaemin asks, a smile never faltering, and Jeno just replies with a breathless “yes” before latching his lips onto the younger’s.)</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>As if mocking that short moment, their love lasted years. During that long time together, they believed that their destiny was invincible.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>2010</em>
  </b>
  <b></b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jeno and Jaemin, age 20</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>On the night of their fourth anniversary, Jaemin sits in the same small table he sat at exactly four years ago while waiting for his boyfriend.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s been sitting for a while, thinking over his decision. He quickly thinks over it for the last time that night before Jeno walks in, scrambling to sit down in front of Jaemin.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s now or never.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno stutters over his explanation for being so late; “I-I was just about to leave, but another patient was– was–” He gestures with his hands, as Jaemin looks at him in disgust. “I wonder why the ER is like that– Th-this always happens when my shift is about t-to end! It– It’s really annoying, right?” Jaemin rolls his eyes and starts to pour another glass of alcohol. “Oh, I’ll pour that–” Jeno offers, but he doesn’t get the chance to, because Jaemin has already poured his own drink. “Oh, okay, fine, I–I can pour my own drink,” he quickly pours the alcohol into his own glass with trembling hands. Jaemin makes a nasty face and shakes his head. Jeno offers a cheers, but Jaemin sighs heavily before closing his eyes and downing the drink. “Okay, okay, I’ll just drink it!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin sets his glass down. He huffs out, and looks down at the ground. “I can’t do this anymore,” he breathes out, panting.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, Nana, I’m sorry, it– it’s my fault!” Jeno pleads. “Jaemin, please…”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin looks up, but he fails to meet the older’s gaze, instead looking up at the ceiling. “Let’s just…” he trails off, and Jeno looks at him with desperation, internally praying to whatever deity is up there that Jaemin doesn’t break up with him. The crowd around them goes wild, loud with cheers thanks to the goal the soccer team playing on the large TV screen across from them just scored. He breaks out into a cold sweat before Jaemin looks at him, eyes widened.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get married.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?!” Jeno yells. “What did you just say?!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin looks around them in disgust, stuttering a bit before looking directly back at Jeno. “I’ll live with you!” He yells, at the top of his lungs. “Marry me, Lee Jeno!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno stares at Jaemin dumbfoundedly, at first. He processes the words in his head, and then grins widely when he realizes what Jaemin had just said. He stares at his younger boyfriend, smiling foolishly, and Jaemin stares back, unable to resist the wide smile creeping onto his own face.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>They spend the night eating happily, splitting the bill and paying it with half of Jaemin’s money and half of Jeno’s.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Their wedding is beautiful. Their wedding theme is nature, gorgeous, fresh cherry blossoms decorating the church, their closest friends and family sitting in rows of pink and blue.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno was pink. Jaemin was blue.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, I will love you longer,” Jeno sings, a cover of a silly wedding song they’d both picked out upon planning their wedding. “I’ll make you smile forever, if we live together.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He leans towards Jaemin to hand him the microphone, who shyly backs away at first but ends up taking it anyways. “I love you too, I will love you more,” he sings back, wide grins on both of their faces. His eyes glisten with tears. “I’ll make make you smile forever, if we live together.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>They walk down the aisle, arms linked together, their pink and blue suits matching perfectly. They wave at their families and friends, the wide smiles on their faces never faltering. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too. I will love you longer.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll make you smile forever, if we live together.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They believed in their thirteen years together, thinking it would be unbreakable.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Life is Full of Unpredictable Surprises</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Dad wished you a happy birthday," He sniffs. "Both of them did. Happy birthday, my dear Minsun."</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>shit this took me a whole goddamn month to write... hopefully the next chapter won't take as long. anyways, here's some heartbreak for y'all, not that you asked for it but oh well</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Present time – 2019</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jeno and Jaemin, age 29</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>In a small apartment building in Incheon, South Korea, there’s a specific room where a young four year old girl named Minsun lives. There’s toys scattered on the floor, pink and blue clothing neatly hanging in a closet, small tent in the corner of the room, made from an old blanket that was folded up.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>In the middle of the room is a white sofa, pink and purple pillows decorating it with a picture of Minsun, her father and his husband hanging on the wall above the sofa.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minsun sits in the far corner from it, her hair formed into two pigtails with bangs that cover her forehead. She plays with the toys on the floor.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Minsun-ah, come and eat. Papa finished making our meal,” a voice in the distance says. Minsun doesn’t listen, instead putting her attention on the unplugged wire on the floor, which was soaked from the water that had spilled earlier. She picks the wire up.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Minsun-ah,” the voice says, sternly, “Minsun. Don’t touch that.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minsun ignores it, walking over to plug the wire back in.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Papa’s going to get angry!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minsun ignores it again, slowly bringing her small hand to plug the wire in.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin, the owner of the voice before, gasps. He starts to run over to his daughter. “That’s dangerous! No, Minsun!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minsun’s wrist is immediately taken aback by her father’s husband, Huang Renjun, who slides onto the floor quickly with ease.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Na Minsun,” He says, voice laced with concern. He sits and takes the wire from Minsun’s hand. “You shouldn’t touch this. It’s dangerous. Papa is going to get upset.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin looks up from Minsun to look at Renjun. Minsun looks at Renjun as well, big doe eyes filled with innocence, yet admiration as well.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Renjun sighs. Setting the toys around them aside, he takes Minsun into his hands and picks her up. “Come on.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin falls to the floor on his knees, panting as he watches Renjun walk away with Minsun in his arms. The older male sets Minsun down on a chair so she can eat, and all Jaemin can do is watch helplessly, eyes nearly tearing up at the sight. He looks down at one of his hands.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Life didn’t turn out the way they wanted it to, and no one expected their parting.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Renjun holds Minsun’s hand, her small backpack slung over his shoulder as they walk out of the house. From a far distance, they look like a normal father and his child, but from Jaemin’s point of view, they look like a stranger who is holding his own daughter’s hand.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>(Well, not exactly. Renjun is far from a stranger.)</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you put water there? It’s so dangerous!” Jaemin huffs, catching up to the two as he rants to Renjun. “If you were just a second late…” He sighs. “Kids her age cause trouble the minute you take your eyes off them.” He curses under his breath and turns to Renjun, standing in front of him. “Hey. Are you listening to me?!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Renjun swats his hand in Jaemin’s direction, face slightly scrunching up in disgust. Nonetheless, he keeps walking, never letting go of Minsun’s hand. He walks through Jaemin, and Jaemin scoffs, stopping in his tracks as he watches Renjun walk Minsun to school.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“He can’t see me, right?” Jaemin eyes the small man curiously. “But… Why is he showing attitude?” He mumbles. Before he can catch up to them again, a small woman walks past him, staring at him as she does so. Jaemin stares back. He nearly panics, afraid that the woman might be a human, but he rolls his eyes when an actual human walks through her. Just another ghost. “What was that about?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He shakes his head and smiles widely, skipping happily towards his daughter. “Minsun-ah~!” He skips around her, watching her walk with glee. “Minsun-ah, you seem to be in a good mood today! Good girl!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘I am a ghost. A ghost that nobody can see. One of the things people are mistaken about, something they can never know when they’re alive, is that humans are not the only ones living in this world. There are actually so many beings living together in this world, even if they can’t see them.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>On a breezy day in Incheon, a 29 year old named Lee Jeno walks on the sidewalk, picking up a dirty, empty bottle of milk as he walks. He spots a shivering Lee Minhyung walking ahead of him. “Lee Minhyung. You have constipation, right? Drink this.” He throws Minhyung the bottle, leaving the older man standing with curiosity in his eyes. Nonetheless, he mutters a “thank you, thank you” to Jeno, and catches up to him as they walk inside the large hospital they work at.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“How could you do that to your friend?! You jerk,” Minhyung mutters. Jeno scoffs and pays him no mind.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Including us ghosts…’</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Renjun stands with Minsun at the bus stop, waiting patiently as Jaemin kneels in front of his daughter.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You almost got in huge trouble today, didn’t you?” Jaemin asks, looking at the small girl intently. He smiles nonetheless, and cooes. “Ah, my little baby, you’re so adorable! Give papa a kiss!” Jaemin hops up and down, forming his lips into a pout. “Give me a kiss…!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minsun stares ahead of him, the sun blocking her view, causing her to squint. Jaemin sighs, and he looks behind them to look up at the sun. He looks back, bringing his hand up to block the sun from her eyes, but to no avail, because Minsun turns and buries her head into Renjun’s coat. Renjun looks down in surprise, but doesn’t move her. Jaemin pouts and looks down at his hand.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘If only I weren’t a ghost…’</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He shakes his head and sighs, and gives Renjun a smile, even if the small man can’t see him.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Behind Renjun is Lee Donghyuck, who is there waiting with his own child for the bus, staring at Renjun and Minsun in… Sorrow, maybe, the look in his eyes is unreadable. His eyes travel to Renjun’s hand, where he pets Minsun’s head and caresses it not unlike what a father would do to his child, and back up to Renjun’s face, a small smile on his face as he waits.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck shakes his head and turns his attention back to his own son.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>When the bus does come and the kids are all set to go to school, the parents all wave at their children, waving and shouting goodbyes, including Jaemin. He runs up to the school bus as he does so, a wide grin evident on his face. Once the bus is out of view, Renjun turns around and walks back to his house, while Jaemin stands where the bus once was. Donghyuck stands there as well, while the three mothers who like to gossip walk up to Renjun.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Huang! Are you busy?” Seulgi, the tallest of the three, asks loudly. Donghyuck and Jaemin turn around, staring intently at the three mothers as they pester Renjun. “Come join us for coffee!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, come with us! Stop rejecting us.”Joohyun, the shortest, smiles at Renjun. “It’ll be fun to chat together.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Renjun smiles. “I don’t enjoy hanging out in groups.” He turns around and proceeds to walk back home, leaving the three mothers dumbfounded.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Seulgi scoffs. “What’s with him? He’s so rude.” She crosses her arms. “Gosh, that put-off.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Seungwan raises an eyebrow as they turn around to walk back home. “What does that mean?” She asks. “It’s his nickname,” Seulgi explains. “It’s because his daughter must be put off by him.” They laugh.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin eavesdrops and crosses his arms, a smug look on his face as he walks beside them. “She’s just five years old right now, but she’s sent to art, English, and ballet academies all day!” Joohyun exclaims.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin scoffs. “So that’s why he’s ‘put off’? ...I guess that does make sense.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“He wouldn’t do that if Minsun was his own kid,” Seulgi says. Seungwan gawks at her. “Minsun isn’t his own kid?!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>They stop in their tracks. “Minsun’s father got remarried after his ex-husband died,” Joohyun says. “He’s sending Minsun to academies since it’s hard to look after her.” Seungwan nods. “So Minsun’s real father is dead…” Jaemin sniffs and looks down at the ground at the mention of his death. “So that’s why she seemed a bit…”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dark? You felt that too, right? If you look at her closely…” Seulgi looks around them. “She’s a bit dark and strange.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck huffs and turns around. “Hey, mothers.” The three women gasp. Donghyuck squints at them and walks toward them, a stern look evident on his face. Jaemin watches her closely. Donghyuck bites his lip before speaking to the mothers. “I know people are nosey about other families’ kids,” He scoffs. “But you should watch what you say.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The mothers are quick to give explanations. “We weren’t–”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“We all die eventually.” Donghyuck interrupts, voice stern. “I heard you’re going on a trip to Bali soon. The volcano didn’t erupt yet…” he tilts his head. “...in Bali, right?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He scoffs and turns around, leaving the three mothers dumbfounded. Jaemin looks at his feet, but nonetheless follows Donghyuck.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not dark at all,” Jaemin complains to his best friend. “She just seems that way to them because they think so! How can a five year old be dark?” He scoffs. “They just have to die to realize. It’s better to have one more look at your own kid than to chat about other people’s lives,” he shakes his head. “Do they think they’ll live forever or what?!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck shakes his head as well, peeling an onions skin off aggressively. “They won’t be badmouthing this place again, will they?” Jaemin asks him.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck abruptly stop peeling the onion and looks up at him. “I don’t care if they do.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin’s eyes widen. His jaw drops and he looks at Donghyuck with hope glinting in his eyes. He waves his hand around Donghyuck’s face, as if to confirm that he can see him. Donghyuck bites his lip and turns around a bit, looking around the place before sighing.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever. There’s nothing I can do about it. I’m not scared of starving, they can curse as much as they want.” Jaemin smiles a bit as he stares at his best friend in admiration. “Damn it… I just want to rip everything!” Donghyuck picks the onion up again and starts peeling it with his hands. “I’ll just peel all of this with my bare hands! I’m going to rip out everything!” Donghyuck gasps as the skin falls down to the floor. “Oh my. I should get a knife.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a specific polaroid – amongst tons of other polaroids – on the board on the wall that has Jaemin, Donghyuck, Minhyung and Jeno posing together with peace signs. A reminder of the good days from the past.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The place falls silent again, leaving alone a complaining Jaemin, a tired Donghyuck and their many polaroids from years before. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“We got your ECG test results, and you do have an arrhythmia. But it will be a simple surgery, so you don’t need to worry.” Jeno smiles at the patient beside him.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be doing the surgery though, right?” The patient asks. Jeno shakes his head. “Ah, no, a doctor much more skilled than me will do it, so don’t worry.” He smiles again.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The patient nods. “Ah, I see…” They trail off. “Alright… Okay, thank you.” They bow as a goodbye. “All right, bye.” Jeno waves. He grabs the phone on his desk as the patient walks out. “Check Doctor Kim’s schedule and give him the patient’s data. Okay, thanks.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The sight that greets Jeno when he walks out is… troublesome. A man yells in the front, several nurses trying to keep him from harming anyone. He insists that he is sick and needs treatment, but the nurses tell him to come back when he’s sober.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>And, wow, yeah, he’s definitely not sober. His hair is a mess, his face is all red, clothes wrinkled and Jeno can just tell that he smells bad just from looking at him.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He walks out slowly, careful to avoid the large crowd of nurses. A nurse walks in front of him, and he gestures for them to come over. “Hey, you, come here,” they walk up to him. “Go that way.” Jeno points in the opposite direction where the man is at.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to the computer room,” the nurse explains. Jeno rolls his eyes. “Go that way, okay? You punk.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse walks nonetheless, and when they see the man, they run over and yell for him. “Sir!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno sighs and smiles a bit before continuing to walk. Another nurse greets him. “Did you eat, doctor?” she asks. He nods. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doctor Lee, Doctor Kim was looking for you.” She states. Jeno tilts his head innocently. “In… what way? Was he like, “Did you see Doctor Lee?” or did he yell, “Where’s that bastard, Lee Jeno?!” Did he swear? How did he say it?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse blinks. “I think it was the latter.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno fakes a smile. “Thank you,” he whispers. He turns around a bit, but then faces the nurse again. “Thank you very much.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He walks a bit, his heart beating rapidly, but he decides to sprint down the hall instead, to the room at the end of it.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your manic depression and depression levels are low…” Minhyung states, writing the information down on a paper. “But where did you buy that watch?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The patient next to him blinks. “Huh?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minhyung stutters a bit. “Oh. I mean–” he shakes his head and looks back down at the paper. “And no obsession or bulimia.” He reassures. “Can I touch it?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>When the patient leaves, Minhyung follows after him. “come back again!” he exclaims. The patient stops in his tracks a bit, but continues walking nonetheless. The other patients sitting down at the front take pictures of him, staring at him in awe.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come back again? Don’t be ridiculous, how could you say that at a hospital?” Jeno asks. Minhyung dodges his question, looking back at the patient. “Did you see?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno cocks an eyebrow. “What, that man?” He walks toward Minhyung. “You act like you’ve never seen an athlete. Gosh, is he a baseball player or a celebrity…?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I meant his watch!” Minhyung whines. “Did you see his watch?” Jeno stares at him dumbfoundedly. “It’s a limited edition.” He points to the athlete. “I tried to get my hands on it for a year but I failed.” He groans. “Ah, how did he get that? Do celebrities get it first?” He tilts his head at Jeno.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a celebrity in our hospital too. You’re famous.” Jeno states. He walks back in the room Minhyung was in before. “Come on. Get inside.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minhyung scoffs. “My gosh.” He laughs, but nonetheless walks in. Jeno scrambles on the desk. “Well, I get it. Did you see how he looked in his outfit? You can’t be a popular celebrity with just a good looking face. The face and body proportions are important too. I guess I’m known for that,” He gives Jeno a cheeky smile. Jeno rolls his eyes. “I didn’t mean that kind of celebrity. I meant that you’re famous for being crazy.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Crazy?!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, crazy.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno sighs. “Ah, whatever. Just come over here and give me the doctor’s note.” He pushes Minhyung toward the desk. “Doyoung is looking for me.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“My gosh, you’re crazy. How long are you going to keep this up?” Minhyung asks. “Just tell him the truth and receive treatment for it.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The door slides open abruptly, causing the two doctors to jump. “How are you, Doctor Kim?” Minhyung asks.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Doctor Kim – Kim Doyoung – stares at them with widened eyes, his glasses barely on the bridge of his nose. “I’m not fine,” is his response, his voice throaty and rough. Minhyung nods, his gaze lowering to the floor. Jeno does the same.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Doyoung stares at Jeno, his eyes burning holes into the younger as he steps in the small room and slides the door closed. Jeno glances at him every now and then, the silence threatening and uncomfortable. It makes his heart feel like it dropped, the lump in his throat seemingly getting bigger as time passes. Jeno gulps it down.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Doyoung walks slowly, his stare never faltering. “You,” he points at Jeno, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve been calling you for three days,” he says. “Why didn’t you come?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you know… I had a lot of patients to see, so… As a doctor, I couldn’t abandon them,” Jeno explains. “Patients are the most important–”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop the bullshit.” Doyoung steps even closer to Jeno, who flinches and backs away immediately. “You say that, but you’re only treating outpatients all the time. Don’t you feel guilty when you see the others in our department spending day and night performing surgeries?!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno doesn’t respond, refusing to meet the older’s gaze. Beside them, Minhyung looks down at the floor, an anxious look on his face.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not letting you off now,” Doyoung states. “You’d better start performing surgeries again next month.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minhyung finally looks up, staring at the two with anxiety burning in his stomach.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you don’t want to perform surgeries, why are you at a university hospital? Just open your own clinic!” Doyoung points to the door.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would I open a thoracic clinic? It’ll fail for sure,” Jeno whines. “That’s a crazy idea, why would you suggest that?” He chuckles.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you say, you punk?” Doyoung lunges forward a bit, causing Jeno to fall and sit down on the chair below him. Minhyung sneakily takes the doctor’s note from the desk.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Plus, it’s not because I don’t want to,” Jeno explains. “I give you a doctor’s note every month, asking you to understand.” He looks up at Doyoung. “What if my hand starts shaking when I’m operating? I might cause a terrible accident. Then we’ll all be doomed.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s right, Doctor Kim,” Minhyung cuts in. “I was actually talking to him about it–”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shut up!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bring it here,” Doyoung orders – his eyes still fixated onto Jeno, eyes still widened like a madman’s – referring to the doctor’s note in Minhyung’s hand. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“All right, bring it to him,” Jeno says. Doyoung gives him one last look before walking over to Minhyung, who hands him the doctor’s note with shaky hands. Doyoung snatches it from Minhyung’s hands, giving him a nasy look before quickly reading through the note. Both Minhyung and Jeno look down at the floor, waiting for Doyoung’s response (which, if you think about it, would most likely be a loud screech of multiple cursings).</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Difficulty concentrating due to irregular routines and insomnia,” Doyoung reads out loud. “Symptoms of hand tremors and bipolar disorder.” He looks up at Jeno, the younger doctor forcefully trembling his hand. Doyoung huffs, but nonetheless looks back down at the note. He furrows his brows. “Seemed lethargic and depressed yesterday, but seemed to be in a great mood after 6 p.m.” Jeno glances at the older, and then back at Minhyung, and he curses under his breath before Doyoung looks up at Minhyung and speaks up again.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m lethargic when I come to work in the morning and I feel great when I get off work too,” he states nonchalantly. “Right, me too,” Minhyung agrees. Doyoung shakes his head, and looks back down at the paper.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Felt extreme happiness after drinking and felt extreme pain the next day,” Doyoung squints. Jeno hisses, hands clutching at his chest dramatically. Doyoung looks up at him, and then at Minhyung.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hangover,” Minhyung says. Doyoung stares at him for a bit, and then aggressively crumples up the paper and throws it at the younger. Minhyung flinches and curls into a ball momentarily before gaining his stance again.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You call this a doctor’s note?!” Doyoung yells. “It’s a best friend’s note! Ugh, you little--” He inhales before looking over to Jeno and screeches, “You crazy jerks!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The two immediately look at each other and curse under their breaths as Doyoung sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two are crazy,” He says. “Absolutely crazy.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>As Jeno walks out of the elevator, he catches sight of the hallway across from him. He slows his tracks, staring at the sign above it before looking back down, staring into the hallway.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Operation room, intensive care unit.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>If only things didn’t go bad that day…</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaking his head, Jeno quickly walks out of the hospital and into his car.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>On the way home, Jeno sings the random song that plays on the radio. A habit he picked up on exactly five years ago.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I am happy, I am really happy! The day I’ve been waiting for has finally come, it’s such a joyful day!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He continues to sing, not even faltering when Donghyuck catches him off the streets and pulls a disgusted face on him. All Jeno does is blow a fake kiss towards Donghyuck, who scrunches his nose up and shakes his head, continuing to walk forward.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Back home, Minsun watches TV, blankly staring at it as the characters on the screen jump and sing. There’s a few beeps that indicate Jeno is home, and Renjun stops what he’s doing. “Minsun-ah, your father is here.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno walks in, a tired look on his face. Renjun greets him. “You’re home early today,” Renjun says. Jeno nods and shrugs it off. “Yeah.” He looks over to Minsun and smiles widely at her. “Did you have fun today, Minsun?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fun?” Jaemin scoffs. He holds up his fingers to count. “She went to the daycare center, an art academy, a ballet academy, and an English academy!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened today?” Jeno asks. Renjun shakes his head. “Mh, not much.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Not much.’ Hah! What a liar</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Jaemin thinks.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing?!” Jaemin exclaims. He walks over to Jeno. “Hey, your daughter was in huge danger today. She could’ve been electrocuted and followed me here!” He yells. It’s only then that he realizes how loud he was, and he covers his mouth with both hands before grinning widely and skipping over to his daughter. “Minsun-ah~!” He sits down next to her, singing and dancing to the theme song playing on the TV. Unbeknownst to him, a shady figure observes him from the corner of the room.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s dinner time.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Renjun places the home made food onto the table. Jaemin sits down and watches as Minsun picks at her food with her fork, refusing to eat anything. He pouts a bit before turning his attention to Jeno, who sits across from him and eats patiently.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin smiles fondly, a small memory coming back to him.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>(</span>
  <em>
    <span>The freshly cooked food sits on the table, still hot and warm from just being made. Jaemin and Jeno sit down across from each other, although it is only Jeno who tends to his food. His lover, on the other hand, has his hands folded in front of him as he stares at the older and smiles fondly.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jeno takes note of this, and looks up momentarily before looking back down at his notebook, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Just can’t take your eyes off your handsome husband, can you?” He teases. “You must be wondering how I can be so handsome.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jaemin rolls his eyes and heaves a small sigh. “Don’t be ridiculous. l’m looking at you in advance since I won’t be able to see you a lot now.” He pops a piece of his food into his mouth. Jeno stops his hands to stare at Jaemin. “Are you going somewhere without me?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“When we adopt, I won’t have time to see you,” He smiles gleefully. “I’ll be too busy.” He leans in and stares back at Jeno. “Look at me in advance, too. It will be hard to see me soon.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jeno nods. “Okay. I’ll do as you tell me,” he sets down his chopsticks. “Let’s see that face of yours!” is the last thing he says before reaching out to pinch Jaemin’s cheeks, who yelps from the sudden action. “H-hey! Stop that!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jeno doesn’t listen, instead pinches harder. “I’ll look at you like this…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jaemin giggles loudly, grasping at Jeno’s arms. “Hey! Come here! Let me do it to you too–”</span>
  </em>
  <span>)</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Na Minsun. I told you not to spill your food, right?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin flinches at Jeno’s sudden scolding.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be too harsh,” Renjun says, voice laced with sympathy. “A kid can spill some food, it’s nothing serious.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno ignores him. “You spilled it, so pick it up and eat it.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minsun whines a bit, but complies, leaving Jaemin pouting slightly as he stares at his own daughter. Renjun stares as well, folding a towel on the counter absentmindedly.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Minsun, you’re six now. You should be able to do it yourself,” Jeno warns. Jaemin hisses in disbelief. “My gosh, she’s only six! What could she do on her own?” He rolls his eyes and slumps in his chair.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s night time already. Jaemin walks alongside other ghosts (and humans), hands in the pockets of his fluorescent pink jacket as he mumbles things to himself that only he can hear.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“He said he wore diapers until he was five. How ridiculous,” He scoffs. “I’m going to tell Minsun everything when she grows up.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>As if on cue, a woman and her daughter walk through him, speaking like a normal mother would speak to her daughter. He stops in his tracks to turn and watch them, a glint of sorrow in his eyes.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, how he wished to have a relationship like that with Minsun. Albeit roaming the world and sticking by his daughter’s side was comforting, it wasn’t nearly enough. He wanted to hold her hand, watch her as she took her first steps, hear her say her first word. And he did, but… It wasn’t in the way he wanted it to happen. Instead of being there physically with her, congratulating and encouraging her, he stood by and watched from the sidelines as Renjun and Jeno did it for him. It wasn’t easy – Hell, it still isn’t easy, dying was extremely unfair and he often drowns himself in sorrow from how desperately he wanted to go back in time and prevent his death.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaking the somber thoughts away from his head, he blinks his tears back and catches sight of a bus. He smiles a bit and runs in it, sitting down and preparing himself for yet another rough night.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s late afternoon.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>In a small columbarium, a row of people walk in, holding a picture of a young man in his mid-twenties, in baseball uniform. One woman in particular is sobbing her heart out, eyes puffy and swollen, face red from how much she was crying. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The guard of the columbarium walks to the large TV on the wall above his counter, and turns it on to watch the news.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>The funeral of baseball player Park Jisung, who was found dead in his home a few days ago, began today. The police believe that he may have made such a drastic decision due to the rumors on the match-fixing scandal and his homosexuality. The team that Park Jisung played for…</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The guard does nothing – can do anything but – but stare at the TV with empty eyes, filled with sorrow and unspoken hurt.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The columbarium itself isn’t that sorrow, despite it being a place where deceased people’s ashes are kept. The ghosts of the people stay there, usually sleeping inside of their urns and waking up in them. Na Jaemin is among that group of people, although he’s only one out of many.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>That same columbarium is also, inevitably, where Park Jisung’s cremations are being stored.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The baseball player has his head tucked into his knees as he sobs, cursing under his breath and sitting on the wall next to a glass of cremations. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s not alone, though, and he fails to realize this until he looks up to find a family – along with two other women – staring straight at him.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He yelps and scooches impossibly closer to the wall, causing the group of ghosts in front of him to jump. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who a-are you?!” He screams, stuttering and falling back onto the wall. One of the women, an old, wrinkly one with glasses, points at him and stares with an unamused expression on her face. “Seriously? Did we just scare him? Because we are ghosts?” She scoffs in disbelief.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who the hell are you guys– Ah, e-excuse my language, who are you?” Jisung repeats.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re the grim reapers, punk!” The old woman exclaims, and Jisung yelps again, stuttering up and running as the group of ghosts follow after him. “If you’re new here, you should try to make a good impression on us! Why are you crying your eyes out? You’re being so loud!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The other solo woman, a middle aged woman, plants her palm on the wall beside Jisung’s head. “Well, this is his first time dying, he’s practically a baby.” The family giggles as the middle aged woman scrunches her nose up and looks at Jisung up and down. “Everyone dies only once.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He runs to the other side of the wall, but the ghosts keep following him, so he settles for staying put. The young teenage girl gasps in awe. “Aren’t you Park Jisung?” She cooes, “I can’t believe this!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“The king of stealing bases? Really?” Her mother asks. She nods. “Yes, Park Jisung!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The mother gasps, looks up at him, and claps her hands in amusement. “My goodness! Yes, it’s you! You’re him! I did hear that you died, but I didn’t know you’d end up here!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The old woman, however, is confused and taken aback. “Who is this guy? Do you know him?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The teenage girl’s father speaks up. “You know, he’s that athlete! The baseball player, Park Jisung!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisung hyperventilates, pushes the group away and runs off, yet they exclaim loudly and run after him, gathering the attention of the other residents.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were good at stealing bases!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Park Jisung!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone, come out!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s an excellent baseball player!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guys, come on out!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone, come and see!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“My gosh, look at you!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is really Park Jisung!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe this. He’s so tall, he’s really here!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It even catches the attention of a certain young person with lilac hair, who eyes the large crowd curiously and calmly walks over to them.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisung desperately tries to run away, but fails as the crowd following him is too overwhelming for his personal space’s liking (give him a break, he’s an introvert) and he falls face flat on the floor, immediately quieting the crowd down. They stare at him with slacked jaws and wide eyes, yet none of them make a move to help him get up.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The middle aged woman, however, has the decency to fall on her knees to sit next to his body on the smooth floor. “Wow, it’s my first time seeing an athlete!” She exclaims. “It’s nice to meet you here. Hey, say hi!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>All of the ghosts greet him, which only worsens his anxiety, but it’s only short lived because next thing he knows the teenager is speaking again.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s got an awful case of the syndrome for an athlete,” she sneers. The old woman pipes up. “Which syndrome?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Celebrity syndrome.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>They all emit into a fit of laughter. “Look at him, this awesome celebrity is joining us!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The teenager’s mother drops to her knees to coo at him. “How did you end up here? You’re too young to be here.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“He killed himself,” an old man announces. “The story about his suicide was all over the news.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The other ghosts gasp. One of them pulls Jisung up with force, and he winces. “You killed yourself?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn it,” the old woman from before curses. “You! Go hang out with them,” she points to a small figure with lilac hair, who shyly smiles and waves at him. “Hello… I killed myself, too.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The sudden confession takes him by surprise, but he doesn’t get a chance to respond because suddenly, a gush of cold wind hits him, sending shivers down his spine, and he looks over to the entrance to find where it came from.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>A short man who looks like he’s in his early thirties walks in, a red beanie on his head, chocolate brown hair peeking out from under the beanie, and a puffy coat wrapped around his torso. He walks with elegance, as if he was the only man to exist in the world, chin tilted up high and hands struck at his sides as he eyes the crowd of ghosts in front of him. Jisung admires him for a moment – that is, until the man slips and falls onto his back, yelping in pain.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The crowd gasps, and there is a moment of silence until the man gets up slowly, still wincing in pain.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is this?!” He yells. “Who mopped the floor and made it so clean?!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, the living don’t stay here,” The old woman protests. “It’s clean since no one comes here.” She claps her hands once before cackling, “Did you break your ass?!” The crowd cackles with her. “My gosh, you should have gone easy on yourself. Why act all flashy?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The man disregards her question, instead turning around to face the crowd. “Good. Everyone is here,” he looks around before his eyes land onto Jisung’s figure. “Is this the guy?” He clicks his tongue and scoffs. “He won’t make a scene since it was suicide.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we won’t make a scene, either,” The middle aged woman exclaims. “Oh, by the way, did Mr. Choe leave after saying goodbye to his family?” She asks, sincerity laced in her voice.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The man scoffs again, “As if that’s true. Come on out!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>An old man with his head ducked walks out slowly, limbs slightly shaking. “What? Why is Mr. Choe still here?” The teenage girl’s father asks. “He said he would leave if he met with his family for the last time.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“He must’ve seen it somewhere,” the man answers. “He went to say one last goodbye.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The faint memory of himself saying goodbye to his family – as a butterfly – and then getting squashed by them replays in Mr. Choe’s mind. He shivers.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those brats killed their father twice!” The old woman exclaims. Mr. Choe sniffs and sobs quietly, turning around and covering his eyes as he weeps and walks back to his urn. The man (Jisung’s come to realize that he is a shaman) rolls his eyes. “Hey, why are you crying?” He shakes his head in disbelief. “I already wrote up a report that you were leaving, if anyone should be crying, then it should be me! Damn…” The shaman turns back around and points at the crowd of ghosts. “The same goes for you. I know that you guys are ghosts, but please keep your promises!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Hiding behind a pillar is Jaemin, who breaks out into a cold sweat at the words of Lee Taeyong, a lesser known shaman who resides in the columbarium (despite being a human). Jaemin gulps, his hands clenching into small fists in his pockets. He knows what Taeyong is speaking of – The fact that none of the ghosts in the columbarium have gone up yet, despite the laws saying that it’s required. They’ve all stayed there for a ridiculously amount of time, including him; He’s been there for five years, nearly six, and he knows Taeyong isn’t happy about it. Especially since Jaemin chooses to stay by his daughter’s side instead of going up immediately after a year or two. It hurts not only Taeyong’s reputation, but also causes damage to the relationship he has with the gods, and increases the risk for the spirits to be sent up forcefully, against their will. Jaemin tells himself time and time again that it’s not his fault, it’s a bad time, but in reality, he knows he must go up soon, not just for him and Taeyong, but for his daughter, too.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“My district is the only one with a zero percent accomplishment. Zero!” Taeyong flat out screams, causing the ghosts to jump at the harsh tone of his voice. “How can my number be a zero?! Does this even make sense to you?!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin peeks out from the pillar a bit, biting his bottom lip harshly before making a run for it. He’s unsuccessful, however, because Taeyong has already felt his presence, and locked Jaemin into a chokehold. “Where do you think you’re going?” Taeyong mockingly asks. Jaemin coughs repeatedly, squirming out of Taeyong’s hold. “I wasn’t going anywhere. I was just coming back home,” He claims. “Does he have eyes in the back of his head?” Jaemin mumbles to himself, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Taeyong. “What did you just say?!” He holds Jaemin’s neck tighter, which causes the younger to yelp and squeal in pain.”Okay! Okay, I won’t run away from you!” Jaemin squeals again. “Let go of me. Come on, let go of me. We can talk after you let me go.” He grips tightly onto the shaman’s arms, and elbows him in the stomach, causing him to fall back and release Jaemin from his hold. “Let go of me!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin swooshes back into his urn, but Taeyong easily gets up quickly. “Oh, is that how you want to play this?” He chuckles menacingly, taking out his bells, and the crowd of spirits yell at him, pleads for him to stop. Taeyong doesn’t listen, instead rings the bells in their faces, which causes them to quiet down and nearly stumble back. He rings it in front of Jaemin’s urn, which ultimately causes him to forcefully come out and pout at Taeyong.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin groans as Taeyong cackles loudly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I’ve had enough of this.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously?!” He screeches. “It’s not our fault your number is a zero!” He looks up and points at the ceiling. “It’s all because of that reincarnation cycle policy from above. It’s because of that weird policy </span>
  <em>
    <span>you guys</span>
  </em>
  <span> made! Haven’t you noticed we live in a world of democracy?!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Taeyong bites his lip harshly. “He’s right. Jaemin has a point! Times have changed!” The middle aged woman yells. “I agree!” She, along with other ghosts, put their hands up and vocally agree with Jaemin. Jaemin smiles a bit, prideful of the attention he’s received. Taeyong, however, is far from amused. He rings his bells harshly and quiets the spirits down.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are fewer people in this world because you won’t leave and reincarnate! The number of ghosts have skyrocketed,” He exclaims, flailing his arms out, which causes his beanie to nearly fall off of his head. “All I see on the streets these days are ghosts!” He rings his bells impossibly harsher and gestures to the columbarium with them. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s already packed here!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Do you still think the policy doesn’t make sense?!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s what you were going to do, why give us democracy?” Jaemin asks, the spirits behind him agreeing. “You could have sent us the Grim Reapers and taken all of us against our will. You said ghosts have rights,” He huffs. “So you told us to choose whether we’d stay here or get reincarnated, but now you are telling us to go up because the population is decreasing?!” He scoffs in disbelief.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Deities are no different from humans,” The old woman rasps out. “When there’s a new power group, policies always get changed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Those</span>
  </em>
  <span> policies always get changed,” The middle aged woman agrees with her. “Exactly my point!” They scooch up closer to Taeyong.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Taeyong hisses. “You will be punished for that! How dare you run your mouth like that?!” He harshly shoves the bells in their faces. “I’m sure they have their reasons, the higher-ups–”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reasons, my fucking ass!” Jaemin rolls his eyes. “Let’s be honest, who would want to go up there when they die?” He gestures to the middle aged woman. “Her son’s business failed, so he comes here and cries everyday,” He gestures to the older woman. “And she’s deeply worried because her daughter relapsed back to cancer!” He shakes his head in sorrow. “It’s not a good time for everyone to leave, Taeyong-hyung. You of all people would know that!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Taeyong is taken aback. He hadn’t expected this kind of backlash; He knew the spirits were anything but happy with the policy, but he didn’t think they’d react like </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He watches as all of the spirits – including newcomer Park Jisung – turn their backs to him and walk back to their respective urns, swooshing inside to sleep at last. Jaemin pinches the bridge of his nose. “See? You always hurt our feelings,” He sends the older a nasty look. Taeyong doesn’t respond, instead waits for all of the spirits to leave until he steps closer to Jaemin.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then, why can’t you go?” He squints, an irritated smirk on his face. “Your husband remarried, you’ve got nothing to worry about.” Jaemin bites his lip and casts his gaze away from Taeyong. “Do you think I don’t know that you want to be with your daughter?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin stutters, glancing back at Taeyong. “W-well, am I not allowed to do that?” He snaps. “She’s my daughter,” he yells, furiously blinking his tears back. “I want to be with my daughter, can I not do that?!” He sticks his tongue out at Taeyong, who’s eyes widen in shock as he stumbles back a bit.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin sniffs and turns back to sleep in his urn, swooshing in it with vigor. Taeyong stares at his urn and deeply inhales. “That little–! All he does is talk!” He screeches in frustration. He runs a hand through his hair – Beanie long on the floor – and sighs, as he puts his hands on his hips. “How many times must I tell you not to stay by a child?!” He screams. “Let’s not make this difficult and go up without a fuss!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin growls in his urn as a response.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Taeyong sighs. He clicks his tongue a bit as he stares into Jaemin’s urn. It’s not like he doesn’t understand Jaemin – The poor spirit just wants to be there for his daughter, at least just once, and Taeyong knows how unfair it is to him. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows</span>
  </em>
  <span> it’s unfair for Jaemin; having to watch your daughter grow up without you is harsh, especially if another person is in your place. Besides, Jaemin didn’t just lose his life and daughter, he lost his loved ones, too. It seems funny to Taeyong that although Jaemin is the one others lost, in a way, he lost everything, too. His job, his husband, his friends, his daughter, his family, his </span>
  <em>
    <span>life</span>
  </em>
  <span>, for god’s sake, it– It’s so, </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> unfair. And Taeyong knows this. He is no stranger to unfair situations, he’s a shaman, he’s seen people lose everything in their grasp countless times.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” Taeyong says, voice soft with sympathy. “Being dead is already unfair. I know it’s hard for you to leave your baby,” He shakes his head, sighs again and looks around at the other spirits’ urns. “Poor things…” He inhales a shaky breath. “Goodness.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minsun sits in front of the TV, staring at the screen with a smile on her face. Her father, Jeno, and Renjun are out of the living room, leaving her and her toys alone. Something – rather, </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone</span>
  </em>
  <span> –walks behind her, and she startles, looks behind her to see what it was, only to find nothing.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugs it off and continues to watch the TV.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin steps out of his urn and onto the smooth floor of the columbarium, stretching as he greets the other spirits. He didn’t sleep that badly last night, but he did have his moments here and there. It was hard for him to sleep thanks to the sound of Taeyong’s voice ringing in his ears. The sympathetic words were quite out of character for the shaman, so Jaemin was a bit taken aback.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He shakes his head and walks over to the door, but the middle aged woman from yesterday stops him.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You must be over the moon since it’s your death anniversary,” she smiles. “You’re in for a meal.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah, yes. Jaemin’s death anniversary. He’d forgotten it was his death anniversary, hard to believe that it was already six years since that fateful day. He remembers his first death anniversary, when his family came to visit him. They sobbed like babies, of course (and so did Jaemin, but you didn’t see that), but the meal he had was absolutely delicious. They still came year after year, but their cries lessened, and although they did cry from time to time, Jaemin was glad they were moving on. The only things that truly upsetted him was the fact that Jeno never came, and the fact that well, it was his death anniversary. Nobody is happy on their own death anniversary. At least, not to an extent.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He cracks a smile. “I know, right? I hope I don’t upset my stomach,” He rubs his belly, soothing it as if to prepare it for the meal later.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The teenager (Kim Dahyun. Jaemin remembers her name.) gasps in surprise. “Today’s his death anniversary? Gosh, I’m so jealous,” She looks down at her open palms. “I still have six months to go until mine.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The old woman sighs. “Well, he’s in for more than just a treat on his death anniversary.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno tucks himself into his light blue coat, the calendar from afar catching his eye. He freezes, puts the rest of the coat on and stares at the red letters on the date.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>“Minsun’s birthday!!” </em>
  </b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah. It’s his daughters birthday. It should amuse him, or well – It does. It truly does, but how can he stay positive about it if it is also the death anniversary of the love of his life? Minsun’s birthday was never too much fun for him. It was just a reminder of the fact that Na Jaemin, his deceased husband, was dead. And it’s cruel. It’s cruel and unfair to Minsun, who should be getting all of his attention, and of course he feels guilty about it, but no matter what he tries and how he does it, he still feels saddened by Jaemin’s death. Give him a break, he lost the love of his life, even if it happened six years ago. He’s never even had the chance to pay his respects to Jaemin… Or well, he has but it’s not easy. He refuses to visit him. It’ll just make him get stuck in the past.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He gulps, toughens the grip on his bag and sighs as he walks out to go to work.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin eats several pastries at once, biting one and then the other. His family stands in front of him, next to Taeyong who stands at the side, watching Jaemin eat greedily in front of him. Taeyong fights back the urge to roll his eyes at Jaemin.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The monk besides them all prays out loud, eyes closed and head slightly ducked as he pays his own respects to Jaemin.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin smiles a bit. His family still looks the same, just a bit older. His brother Sungchan still has the same sad smile, his mother still has her hair kept into a bun, and his father still wears those big, silly coats that he’s been wearing for as long as he can remember. Although, he does tear up a bit here and there, watching his family bow to him to pay their respects is quite saddening, if you ask Jaemin. He blinks the tears back and sighs in content.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm… I would love to have a sip of alcohol right now,” He says to Taeyong, through a mouthful of food. Taeyong glowers at him in disbelief. “Can you tell the monk for me?” Jaemin bats his eyes bashfully at Taeyong.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gosh,” Taeyong mumbles, scowling and clicking his tongue slightly before shaking his head and looking back at Jaemin’s family.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>They look depressed – Hell, they </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> depressed, it was their relative’s death anniversary. Six years already. It still hurts them, even the slightest. His mother  especially looks depressed; Her face is numb, no signs of tension, but her eyes tell a different story. Taeyong doesn’t blame her. He, too, had lost a child. A potential one, at least.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>(Well, that was years ago, and he wasn’t even the one to have the miscarriage. He shudders at the memory of his ex-wife drowning herself in sorrow for days, weeks even. It was not pretty.)</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Later, when it is time for Jaemin’s family to go, Jaemin lays on the floor and rolls on it, mumbling in satisfaction. “Oh, I’m so stuffed. Gosh. I may even throw up,” he rubs his stomach and holds back a burp. He looks back at his family with a lazy smile on his face.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>His father holds the picture of him, brushing his fingertips on it, slightly. Jaemin’s smile falters. “Why was he in such a rush to leave?” His father’s voice breaks. Jaemin can tell he’s about to cry. “My baby…” He wipes the picture with a handkerchief, then brings the handkerchief up to his face to cover his tears as he softly sobs. “My poor son.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin bites his lip and slowly sits up. “Gosh. Why are you crying, dad?” He blinks his own tears away, looking back down, but looks back up at the sound of his mother’s cold, harsh tone cutting through the air like a blade.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You cry about everything,” She scoffs. “Why would you feel sorry for him? He left this world before his parents did. He doesn’t deserve pity.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Across from Jaemin, Sungchan flinches at the tone of his mother’s voice. He nonetheless smiles blankly, no emotion to it, and goes to help clean up.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop crying. Let’s clean up and go home,” His mother says.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin stares up at his mother with tearful eyes. His nose is already red, too, but he still holds back the tears. He’s twenty-nine years old, he should stop crying like a child and get some self control.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He shakes his head and heads to the bathroom.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Luck isn’t on his side though, because his mother walks in it, too. He sighs. “I know, mom,” He says, as his mother rolls her sleeves up and turns the faucet on. “I’m sorry. But please, don’t be so harsh on dad…” He pauses, looks down at his mother’s bony hand, and realizes that she’s crying, her hand clenching on the faucet. He feels tears springing to his eyes again, and he hears a small sob in the tight space, coming from his own mother. It’s a sob he knows all too well; He grew up hearing it, and still hears it, on the same fateful day that comes once a year. Sometimes, when he visits them, he can still hear her crying, sobbing in her room and refusing to come out, even with Sungchan trying as hard as he can to motivate her.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>At last, he lets the tears fall, breaking due to the sound (and sight) of his mother crying over </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. In a way, he sort of agrees with his mother’s statement from before – He doesn’t deserve pity, doesn’t deserve to be cried over, he left this world before his family did and that alone is bad. It was his fault that they were somber. And although he felt guilty about it, he tried to push those thoughts at the back of his head.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He follows his mother out, walking beside his family who is walking back to their car.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Sungchan looks over here. “Mother, did you wash your face?” She doesn’t acknowledge him. “I’m so sleepy. I’ll be in the passenger seat, since I can’t doze off there.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Sungchan sighs, another failed attempt at striking a healthy conversation with his mother. He hums. “Will he be happy or disappointed that his husband remarried…?” Sungchan questions, not to anyone in particular. His father chuckles dryly. “You know how Jaemin was. He wouldn’t be disappointed, he would be happy for him.” Sungchan giggles a bit. “True… Hey, mom, you should at least go easy on Jeno, since it’s Jaemin’s death anniversary.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shut it!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” His mother snaps, startling Sungchan, Jaemin and their father. “He’s not our family anymore. He’s living a good life now, why would he come here?” She scoffs and walks faster, and his father walks after her. Sungchan exhales a shaky breath, but puts on his best attempt at a smile and continues walking. Jaemin isn’t dumb – Although he may not be able to see his brother right now, he knows the younger is on the verge of crying. He knows Sungchan all too well.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>And as his family gets in their car, Jaemin stands there, staring at them as they drive off back home. He sighs, shakes his head, and makes his way back to the columbarium.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>What Jaemin’s mother had said was true. Jeno really </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> living a good life… He’s a doctor, gets paid highly, remarried to someone he loves, has a bright daughter back home who considers his husband to be a father to her. At the hospital, during his lunch break, he gets along well with the other doctors and nurses, jokes with them and laughs along, always sits next to Minhyung (who is the clown out of the small group), eats his lunch fine. He’s not always in somber like he used to be, and even though the thought of Jaemin still haunts him, he goes by his day like a normal human being.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno finds that he doesn’t hate his life as much as he thought he would.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Though it’s not ideal, watching his daughter being taken care of and raised  by someone who isn’t her father, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>original</span>
  </em>
  <span> love of his life.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>(It isn’t ideal for Jaemin, either, but neither Jeno or Renjun have to know that. They deserve their happiness.)</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin walks back to the school Minsun goes to, though he’s not quite sure why. It’s not like he’ll be the one picking her up, anyways. Minsun has Renjun for that job.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiles at the sight of Renjun walking out of the school with Minsun’s backpack slung over his shoulder as he holds her hand. “Minsun,” he mumbles, smile growing wider as he runs over to her. The moment is short lived, though, because a strong force is pulling him back and suddenly, he’s on a tree, being held against his will.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Taeyong walks up to him, a shit-eating grin on his face as he waves to Jaemin. “Hi!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin groans. “What? What is it this time?!” He squirms in his place. “I thought you felt bad for me! Why are you doing this?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You only heard what you wanted to hear,” Taeyong growls. “Didn’t you hear what I said about being by a kid?!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not just a kid. She is my </span>
  <em>
    <span>daughter</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Jaemin bites back. Taeyong huffs. “Whether she’s your daughter or not, you must not stay with her!” He whines, bells ringing harshly in Jaemin’s ears.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>What they don’t know, is that Renjun and Minsun, amongst others, are staring at Taeyong as if he was crazy. Renjun squints and scrunches his nose up.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, really?! Come on. Are you seriously going to tie me up here?!” Jaemin squirms again. “Let go. Let go of me right now!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you getting mad at me?!” Taeyong screeches.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wha– </span>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I didn’t even say anything wrong!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“How dare you!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin rolls his eyes. “You think you’re so powerful, but you’re nothing without those bells!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Taeyong yells in frustration. “No! That’s not true!” He growls again. “My goodness, you never listen to me. You’re so frustrating!” He turns back around to find a swarm of people staring at him, like he was a madman. “Gosh–”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He puts on a fake grin and releases Jaemin from the tree. Jaemin falls onto his stomach and squeals. “Oh no… An evil spirit latched onto your family and won’t leave you guys!” He gasps dramatically. Jaemin runs up to him. “Have you gone mad– Ah!” Taeyong shoves the bells in his face. He reaches for the written prayers in his pocket. “This will be enough to keep that spirit away from you,” He passes one to Renjun. “It’s 200,000 won. I accept card payments.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unbelievable!” Jaemin scolds, but Taeyong ignores him. “Are you here to make money off of me?! I dare you to write one for them!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Renjun stares at Taeyong with a puzzled expression. Below them, Minsun smiles with glee, and pats on Taeyong’s leg. Taeyong looks down at her with a genuine smile. “Hello! Are you–”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Wait. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wait</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Na Minsun. That’s Jaemin’s daughter. Taeyong can see, can see in her eyes that she has the same ability as him. He stops smiling, instead keeps himself from gasping, and clears his throat. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s fine,” Renjun hurriedly says, turning his back on Taeyong immediately and walking back. Taeyong splutters. “Wait a second–”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin walks behind Renjun and Minsun, and sticks his tongue out at Taeyong, who stands there, bewildered and deeply concerned for Minsun. “What… Oh, dear lord.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What has Jaemin done?</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno opens the door to an office, meeting the eyes of another doctor there. “Why are you here? I requested to be on night duty tonight,” He says, hiding the guilt in his voice. The doctor looks at him, puzzled. “Did you not see the log? It got switched to me.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno tilts his head. “Really?” The doctor nods. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He shakes his head. “You can go, I’ll stay here,” he settles on a chair, tilting his head back as he closes his eyes. He’s tired.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“My gosh, that’s alright. You should go home,” The doctor insists. Jeno groans. “Go when you can, before I change my mind. Ugh, I might just kick you out of here,” He scowls. The doctor ignores his attitude. “Have a good night,” He says, and makes his way out. Jeno slumps against his chair and sighs.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>His moment of resting his eyes is soon interrupted by Minhyung, who walks in and stares at him, bewildered. “Go home, Jeno. Your daughter must be waiting,” Minhyung warns, his tone soft, laced with sympathy.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opens to a rushing nurse, and Minhyung barely has the chance to say anything else, because Jeno is already pushing him out of the way and walking up to the nurse. “A patient is seizing in the ICU.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The cake sits untouched, and Minsun sits in front of it as Renjun slides down to sit across from her.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sun-ah, I guess your father won’t be coming home today,” Renjun softly cooes. “Let’s have the cake first.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minsun shakes her head no. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Renjun bites his lip a bit. “Then… Shall we wait a bit more?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minsun nods enthusiastically, and Renjun smiles a bit before getting up to sigh and run a hand through his hair. “You’ll be sorry later, Lee Jeno, and I’ll make sure of it,” Renjun says, under his breath.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin raises an eyebrow at this, but chooses not to dwell on it too much. He looks back at Minsun and sighs. Jeno should be here, his shift ended early today, by no means should he still be out. Jaemin ducks his head in defeat. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He always does this.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin curiously watches his daughter sleep, glancing up at the clock every now and then. He doesn’t realize he’s dozing off until the sound of the door opening startles him.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno walks in, picking up a hat on the ground and sitting next to Minsun’s bed, beside Jaemin. He lifts a trembling hand up to caress Minsun’s face, and Jaemin finds himself tearing up at the sight. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>And when Jeno leaves, he himself raises a hand to caress Minsun’s face.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that she feels it.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiles.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dad wished you a happy birthday,” He sniffs. “Both of them did. Happy birthday, my dear Minsun.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It is now morning. Jaemin wakes up to the presence of someone else, and he gasps when he realizes who it is. “That jerk. Again?” He gets up immediately and walks out of Minsun’s room to chase them.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on out when I ask nicely. Or else I'll beat you,” He warns. “I’ll punch you twice if I find you.” He looks down on the small tent on the floor and scoffs. “Really? You’re not going to come out? Show yourself.” Silence. He puts his hands on his hips. “You’d better come out.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>A spirit slowly crawls out, wincing a bit as they stand on their feet. Their hair is a mess – Their curls are all over the place, and they smell of dirt. Jaemin resists the urge to gag and clears his throat.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew it,” He clicks his tongue. “You ran when you saw me, right? I clearly told you not to set foot in this house!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” The spirit’s voice is rough, quiet and unwelcoming in Jaemin’s ears. “You can’t tell a local spirit to leave their land. I mean, where else am I supposed to go?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“This isn’t your land! It’s my daughter’s!” Jaemin snaps. “Go find your remains!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The spirit ducks their head down. “Well…” They scrunch their face up in sorrow. “I don’t know where they are,” They sob. “I lost them.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin blinks. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>What? </span>
  </em>
  <span>How–” He shakes his head. “B-but still, you can’t stay here. That’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> problem,” he points a finger to the spirit’s chest. “Kids have such weak energy. If you stay, you’ll soak up her energy!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>In that case, doesn’t the same apply to you?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin stumbles. “Wh– What?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think you’re a human?!” The spirit yells. “In my opinion, you’re a bigger problem than me.” They take a step towards Jaemin. “Soon, she might have to be possessed by you,” another step. “She…”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>She can see us.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin’s eyes widen as the spirit cackles. He growls. “You fucking lunatic!” He runs after them as they run away. “I’ve been lenient because I felt bad for you! You think you can just say whatever you want?!” He huffs. “Goodness! How </span>
  <em>
    <span>dare</span>
  </em>
  <span> he say such nonsense?!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opening is what calms Jaemin immediately. He looks over to see his daughter rubbing her eyes as she steps out onto the living room. He smiles. “Are you up, Minsun?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minsun doesn’t respond. She doesn’t even look up at him as she walks in front of him – And Jaemin mildly panics, because she abruptly stops walking when she reaches him. Jaemin’s breath hitches in his throat.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>And then – She just walks right beside him, not through him, walks around him, making her way to the couch. Jaemin stops breathing, wide eyes fixated on his daughter. He breaks out into a cold sweat when she sits down.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He stutters. “Minsun-ah…”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minsun blinks, then looks up at him tiredly. “Yes?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears spring to Jaemin’s eyes as he stumbles and falls to the ground. Minsun stares at him, an unreadable expression on her face, similar to that of Renjun’s. Jaemin silently sobs and breaks down right in front of his daughter, a mix of happiness, sorrow, pain, guilt and concern pooling in his stomach.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It feels like the world just ended.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He keeps staring at her, until Jeno comes in and picks her up, asking if she wants breakfast. Jaemin’s eyes follow them, and when his eyes land on Jeno’s tired ones, he allows himself to sob harder.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s because of me, right?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Taeyong gives Jaemin a sympathetic look. He inhales a shaky breath. “Well, children have weak energy,” He says, casting his gaze on the floor.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’ve been next to her ever since she was born,” Jaemin sniffs. Taeyong looks back up at him. “It’s all my fault… You should’ve told me, hyung!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I only recently found out,” Taeyong argues. “I told you, Jaemin, you shouldn’t stay next to a child!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I caused this,” Jaemin brokenly says, his voice trembling. “It’s because I’m a ghost.” He blinks his tears back and brings his hands up to his face. “It’s my fault.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You stayed with her because you were a father first.” Taeyong comforts.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Minsun…” Jaemin gulps. “What should I do with her?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Taeyong sighs. “If she can already sense and see you, ghosts will know and will swarm around her. And well, since she’s a kid, she won’t be able to tell a ghost apart from a human,” Taeyong rubs his temples. “She may be in bigger danger.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin shakes his head and finally lets the tears fall. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What has he done?</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>When Jaemin returns to Minsun’s school, he is met with the sight of teachers frantically running around and calling his daughter’s name.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Minsun, where did you go? Na Minsun!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin panics. He runs around the school as fast as possible, entering through doors and tables just to find Minsun. He searches the playground, the classrooms, the lunch areas – Everything. He even searches the janitor’s closets, the storage rooms, and it’s only when he runs past the kitchen window that he realizes; </span>
  <em>
    <span>Something is out of place in the freezer.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He squints. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wait. </span>
  </em>
  <span>There’s a ghost running in there, a child. Jaemin watches him run out of the kitchen, giggling, and Taeyong’s words from before register in his head.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Since she’s a kid, she won’t be able to tell a ghost apart from a human. She may be in bigger danger.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>And bigger danger it was.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He rushes into the kitchen, and ducks his head into the freezer. There Minsun is, lying down on the cold food, eyes closed, barely even breathing. Jaemin blinks. “Minsun?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin panics. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh no.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He should’ve known this was going to happen. If only he wasn’t so naive–</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Minsun-ah, Minsun,” he sobs, hyperventilating and ducking back out of the freezer. “Over here! She’s right here!” He screams to the teachers, albeit they cannot hear him. “In there! She’s in the freezer,” He screams. “Oh gosh, can you hurry and get her out?! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” His vision gets blurrier with every word, he’s nearly incoherent at this point. Yet, the teachers don’t listen to him, instead running back to another classroom.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin’s breathing only gets worse. He runs back to the kitchen and ducks in the freezer, desperately trying to wake Minsun up.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He screams, at the top of his lungs, he yells her name as loud as he can, he sobs as loud as possible, anything he can do, even tries to touch her, but he </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He can’t touch her because he’s a </span>
  <em>
    <span>ghost</span>
  </em>
  <span>. A ghost that she’s not supposed to see. A ghost that was with her from birth. A ghost that spent too much time with her to the point where she could start to see him. A ghost that caused </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>. A ghost that may as well be the reason for his own daughter’s death.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin feels lightheaded. Everything hurts, his head, his heart, his eyes, his lungs. He internally curses himself for being so naive, for not listening to Taeyong when he should’ve. He caused all of this, and now he was going to pay for it, his daughter will die at the age of six and Jeno will be sad for the rest of his life. Renjun, too, even if Jaemin doesn’t like admitting it, he knows Renjun and Minsun are close, this will surely hurt him as well. Jaemin sobs and screams. He’s so </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He’s so fucking stupid – He could’ve prevented any of this from happening, but instead, here he is, screaming his lungs out and crying in front of his unconscious daughter who isn’t even breathing.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Minsun,” He tries again, his throat damaged, “Please. Please, Minsun–”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything falls silent when he looks down and realizes that Minsun’s foot is opening the freezer door.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He stops breathing.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>A teacher finds out and immediately rushes in, picking Minsun up. Jaemin sobs in disbelief. He follows the teachers out, follows them to the ambulance, watches as they set her down on the bed.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin doesn’t stop sobbing throughout the whole process. He prays to whatever deity is up there that his baby will be okay.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno rushes into the hospital, Renjun (and Jaemin) following suit. He sprints over to Minsun, and Renjun hyperventilates as Jeno checks her temperature.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighs and closes his eyes.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin sobs. “She’s alright, isn’t she? Please, tell me she’s okay,” he sniffs, watching as Jeno looks up in disappointment to the teachers surrounding Minsun’s bed.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why,” He exhales sharply. “Why would she go into the freezer all by herself?” He questions the teachers, clenching his teeth as one of them speak up.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, kids don’t even know where the kitchen is,” She sighs in despair. “I have no idea how she found it and got in there all by herself.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno rubs his eyes. He leans down to Minsun and tucks her into the warm blankets, trying to warm her body back to it’s original temperature.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Renjun takes in a shaky breath. He’s unable to form words, or move, he can’t even think properly. All he thinks of is Minsun</span>
  <em>
    <span>, Minsun has to be okay, Minsun will be okay.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Jaemin whimpers. “I’m so sorry.” He shakes his head. “It’s my fault. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He collapses onto the floor. “Papa is sorry,” He whimpers once more, apologizing to Minsun. He lays there for the time being, sobbing his voice out and whimpering, continuing to pray over and over again – </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please let my baby be okay.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <strong>***</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re going up?!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll leave,” Jaemin insists, eyes piercing through Taeyong’s skull. “I’ll go. I’ll disappear,” He sniffs. “Then Minsun will be fine, right? She won’t have to see ghosts.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know that for sure,” Taeyong cries out.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go up there and beg!” Jaemin sobs. “I don’t have to be reincarnated. I’m willing to fall under,” He looks down, unable to see clearly. “I just…”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I was going to leave after I saw her walking.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Taeyong stares at Jaemin with furrowed brows. He doesn’t like where this is going.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wanted to see my baby walk…” Jaemin whimpers, voice barely above a whisper.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He remembers what it was like back then, when Minsun was still a baby. He remembers how Jeno would fall asleep on the couch, leaving Jaemin’s spirit to take care of Minsun. He remembers seeing how her bed was on the floor, blankets scattered around it, pillows guiding her up when her father couldn’t. He remembers seeing her raise herself to stand, then starting to walk, remembers clapping his hands and congratulating his daughter, and then Jeno woke up and immediately got up to pick Minsun up and spin her around in pride,  and Jaemin would tear up at the sight of his husband spending time with his daughter.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin sobs uncontrollably.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then I wanted to see her talk, run, and eat,” he nearly screams in frustration. “I knew I had to go, but– But I wanted to stay just a little bit longer,” He hits the floor in sorrow. “Just a little longer…”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Taeyong is speechless. The most he can do is comfort Jaemin through it all, though he wishes he could hold the poor spirit.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘He’s been through enough,’</span>
  </em>
  <span> Taeyong prays. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Let him have peace, at once.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin walks through the sea of people outside. It’s snowing, it’s cold, but he can’t find it in himself to care. His heart hurts. He can barely breathe at this point, crying a bit more every time he sees a parent with their kid. God, it’s so fucking unfair to him. He just wants to have that too, wants to be able to love his own daughter directly, instead of just watching by the sidelines as Renjun does it for him.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He watches as the snow falls through him, a subtle reminder that he’s a ghost, and that he’ll never be able to change his fate.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The view around him is suffocating. There’s families smiling, laughing, enjoying each other’s presence, right in front of him, as if they were mocking him, teasing him for being a spirit who can’t even love someone. He clenches his fists in anger and collapses to the floor.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Jaemin sobs. “Why not?” He punches the brick ground beneath him. “Why can’t I do that?! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why can’t I?!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He scratches the ground. “Can’t I just stay and watch her?! Am I not allowed to have that?!” He shakes his head vigorously, a red shade of fury coating his face. “Why can’t I do that?! Why not?!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who do you think you are?! Who gave you the right to do that?!” He screeches. He looks up at the sky, as if he were speaking to the deities. Forget sobbing, he’s full on screaming now, the fury and anger and pain all too much for him to handle. He’s mad. Not just mad, he’s tired of the pain, tired of the unfairness, tired of having to watch his daughter be loved by someone else who is in his place. It hurts so much. He just wants a second chance.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Lightning strikes outside, the sound of thunder and rain pouring in Jaemin’s ears. He doesn’t care at this point. He’s hurting, give him a break.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>As his sobs and screams grow louder, the rain does, too, snow turning into hail, the happy families turning into concern. From afar, Taeyong observes the sky, worry coating his emotions and face, breath hitching in his throat. The connected beads in his hands break apart from the force of the thunder, and he gasps as he realizes what’s going on.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, Jeno drives through the town, a sleeping Minsun in the backseat, and Renjun sits next to her, watching the sky hailing. He coughs. Jeno tries his best to ignore the ruckus – Although it’s extremely hard, it’s as if the hail were reflecting his emotions.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>In another place, Jaemin’s mother, Ms. Na, peeks out from her window to see what’s going on. She feels strangely connected to the hail, as if it was coming from someone she knew, someone she was close to.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck opens the door to his restaurant and immediately recognizes what is happening. He smiles a bit, sorrow coating his features as he watches the hail come down. He, too, feels connected to it, yet it is also too far away, too hard to grasp.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin’s screams get impossibly louder, his lungs numb and his throat burning. “You said I could stay! You told me I could stay! Why not?! Why can’t I fucking stay?!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He can’t even breathe at this point, the pain is all too much and he just </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> anymore. “Do you call yourself a deity? Does that mean you can do anything?!”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“How could you be a fucking deity?! </span>
  <em>
    <span>You fucking asshole!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s Christmas Eve. Jaemin walks numbly alongside the crowd, in the town that he once called home. He comes to a halt when he sees Jeno, Renjun and Minsun walking as a family in front of him.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughs dryly. He’s happy for Minsun and Jeno, really, but he can’t help but feel the slightest annoyed at Renjun. Even jealous. Not because he’s married to Jeno, but because he takes Jaemin’s place in raising Minsun. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Renjun</span>
  </em>
  <span> is Minsun’s father. Jaemin? Not so much, if you realize it.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin sighs. He still feels numb, it’s been days since his huge tantrum, but he still feels sad, the pain not yet gone. He closes his eyes for a bit, rubbing his temples slowly and smiles.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>But when he opens his eyes, the sight before him is overwhelming.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Lee Jeno, his ex-husband, his one true love, is staring straight at him, eyes wide and filled with questions. Jaemin gasps silently, and they lock eyes for what seems like eternity. Jaemin, he feels strange. Strange and weird, an odd feeling of hope pooling in his stomach. Jeno can see him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jeno is staring at me for the first time in six years. Holy fucking shit.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno? He also feels strange. He’s staring at Jaemin. It’s been six years. What is going on? The crash– Shit, the crash. Memories of Jaemin’s crash suddenly come back to him, and he can’t breathe anymore, throat clogging up with cotton.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>(</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jeno tried to save Jaemin, only to end up holding his dead in his own arms, sobbing into his neck, agony and fear in his voice.</span>
  </em>
  <span>)</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno huffs in disbelief, blinks, and turns away.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin looks back down at the ground. Then, to test if he’s right, he looks down at the snow coating his fluorescent pink coat. It doesn’t fall through him, instead melts on him, and suddenly it’s cold and a person is bumping into him and he’s saying sorry and he’s alive again and–</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Pause.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>What the hell just happened?</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>its five am and i have school in three hours lol ima dip</p><p>lemme know what you think !!</p><p>update : i changed nomin's daughter's name to minsun, gave her some meaning yk? also my twitter is [redacted] but im in twitter jail and i dont know when i'll get out so uh yeah</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Forgotten Season</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Please stop crying,” Jaemin holds Minsun’s cheeks in his hands, despite sobbing himself. “I’m so sorry.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>chapters take me a month to write so i'm very sorry for the delay !! anyways, here's more pain that you didn't ask for :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>Six years ago</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jeno and Minsun, ages 23 years and 5 months</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minsun coos in her sleep, eyes closed and tiny body wrapped in a warm blanket. She lays on the floor, squirming a bit here and there, as her father Jeno sits next to her on the floor, sobbing quietly and ducking his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sungchan watches with a blank stare. He’s in shock – He can’t even think right now. He shakes his head a bit and looks away, trying not to listen to Jeno’s cries.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His mother and father sit on the couch in front of Jeno and Minsun. Sungchan’s father is… speechless, numb and emotionless. His mother, on the other hand, has a scowl on her face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not in a million years,” She nearly yells. “Why would I raise your child?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno keeps his head ducked, unable to speak without his voice cracking. He hears Sungchan’s father speak up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeno has to work, and his parents can’t babysit because they’re in the states,” Mr. Jung sympathetically says. Ms. Na sends him a nasty look. “Don’t take his side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looks back at Jeno. “Just live with what you’ve got. There are daycares and babysitters,” She watches as a tear falls to the floor. “Stop whining and raise your own kid.” She gets up and turns around to leave, but the sound of Jeno sniffling makes her turn back to him. “What? Will you leave the kid with us and try to join my son again?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno trembles. It takes him a while to get the words out. “I can’t live,” He brokenly states. “Not even a day, Ms. Na.” He clenches his chest. “I…” His voice breaks. “I can hardly even </span>
  <em>
    <span>breathe</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ms. Na wipes her own tears before she looks back at him. “Keep yourself busy. Work and look after the kid. Keep repeating that,” She advises. “Just live for a day like that. When it’s tomorrow, live the same day again. You’ll </span>
  <em>
    <span>live</span>
  </em>
  <span> if you keep living like that every day.” She pats his shoulder comfortingly. “You’ll survive.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She walks out and leaves Mr. Jung, Minsun, and Jeno, who sobs uncontrollably. Mr. Jung clears his throat. “She’s right, you know,” He soothes. “She’s worried that… That you’ll try to take your life again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno whimpers. Mr. Jung keeps going. “You need Minsun. You won’t survive otherwise.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno shakes his head and sobs louder, his cries filling the room. Minsun smiles in her sleep a bit, and Mr. Jung looks down at her, smiles back at her in admiration, and lets his own stray tears fall.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno does end up taking Ms. Na’s advice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He takes Minsun to daycare before going to work, spends the rest of his morning at work, then picks his daughter up before going home. In the evenings, he takes care of her, feeding her properly and giving her the attention she needs, the best he can do as a single father.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Turns out Ms. Na was right – He needs Minsun. He needs his daughter to survive, if not then he won’t be able to keep going. He stares up at the daycare in the cold snow, and smiles as he realizes that yes, he does need Minsun, but Minsun also needs him. He thinks it’s not so bad, being a single parent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Everyone passes through a tunnel of darkness in life. It’s a long tunnel that makes you think that you may never see light again.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno spends the rest of his days the same way, just like Ms. Na had told him. He passes through season after season, day after day, month after month, trying his hardest to be a better father for Minsun. It’s hard for him, considering the fact that he didn’t have his husband to help him, but he manages to pull through. It gets better, slowly but surely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And when Renjun comes, it gets even better.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s not alone anymore, he has someone to help him with his daughter, has someone to love him and appreciate him, he’s finally able to love after three years of pain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno smiles as he watches Renjun and Minsun walk hand in hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But as there are tunnels with no exit, there is no eternal love or eternal pain in the world.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe, just maybe, he could be happy like this.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Present time</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jeno, Renjun and Jaemin, ages 29, Minsun, age 6</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin’s breath hitches in his throat as he processes what just happened. He’s cold, his nose is running and his pink coat is covered in snow, someone just bumped into him and— And he’s alive again. Alive, real, not a spirit, people can actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>see</span>
  </em>
  <span> him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t breathe. How can he, when he just came back live after being dead for six years?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks down at the ground for a hot minute.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(<em>Jeno looks back at his daughter, shaking off the anxious feeling on his shoulders. Renjun notices. “What’s wrong?” He asks.</em></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jeno blinks. “What?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Renjun giggles. “What are you looking at?” He turns back to try and find what Jeno was looking at, but to no avail. There’s nothing out of the ordinary, just plain families and friends and lovers walking hand in hand.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh–” Jeno nervously chuckles. “It’s– It’s nothing.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He gives an anxious smile to Renjun before looking back behind him. Strange… Jaemin is dead. </span>
    <span>It’s just a lookalike.</span>
  </em>
  <span>)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin pants as he runs near a restaurant. “What?” He breathlessly asks, voice laced with confusion. “What– What’s going on,” He looks around before feeling the cold glass window press against his nape. “Ah, it’s cold!” He hisses. He looks back down at his coat. “What is this? Why is it melting?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? What’s wrong with him?” A voice behind Jaemin asks, and he turns around to look at a group of young adults. “Is he crazy?” One scoffs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin disregards their snarky comments and walks to the group. “Can you see?” He asks. “Can you see me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you staring at?!” One of them says. “Do you want to die?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin’s eyes widen, and he turns back around as he clenches his chest. “She… Can see me… They can see me…” He mumbles. “They can really see me! Oh, wait–” He stops in his tracks. “Wait.” He covers his mouth with his hand. “Did I… Did I just become a human?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He rushes down to a nearby bench and collapses onto it. Jaemin bites down on his bottom lip, hard. “But why? All of a sudden?” He looks up at the sky. “But there has to be a reason!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He groans and puts his face in his hands. “I feel so tired…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His mind travels back to the embarrassing memories of not even five minutes ago, when he was jumping around in the snow and asking strangers if they could see him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(<em>“Ah, excuse me handsome man,” A person stops him in the midst of his jumping. “Stop by our karaoke room,” They hand him a small piece of paper. “If you do, I’ll give you extra minutes–”</em></span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Woah! I can hold it!” He squeals, snatching the paper from their hands as he continues to jump around. “I’m really holding it!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span><em>He takes a mirror from a woman’s hands and looks at himself in it. “I can see myself!” He hands it back to the woman and runs again.</em>)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He groans in his hands, the memories too embarrassing for him to recall. His mind momentarily goes back to the way Jeno looked at him, but the sound of his stomach grumbling is what takes him back to the present. “Ah, shit. I’m so hungry,” He covers himself with his coat. “I’m so cold…” He sighs in relief. “I haven’t felt like this for so long. I’m cold and hungry… How pathetic.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin closes his eyes and nearly drifts off, but the presence of someone else startles him and he yelps in surprise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He blinks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh. It’s just Taeyong, hovering over him with an umbrella in his hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll catch a cold,” Taeyong scolds.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin smiles brightly. “Taeyong hyung!” Taeyong stares down at him in disgust. Jaemin disregards it and hugs him instead, arms wrapping around the older’s thin body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get sassy? Me?” Jaemin scoffs in disbelief. “With who?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Who do you think?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Taeyong growls. Jaemin points up at the ceiling. “What?!” He chuckles nervously. “Oh, no, not me. I never–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His mind travels back to the large tantrum he had the other night, screaming and cursing at the sky in sorrow and anger. His face flushes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(<em>“Why?! Why not?! Why can’t I do that?”</em></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Who do you think you are? Who gave you the right to do that?!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Wasn’t killing me enough for you? Why do you have to make Minsun see ghosts?! </span>
    <span>Why?!</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“If I knew this would happen, I would’ve gone up there already! But you said I could stay! You said I could! Why not?! Why can’t I fucking stay?!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You call yourself a deity? Does that mean you can do anything?! How could you be a deity?! </span>
    <span>You fucking asshole!</span>
  </em>
  <span><em>”</em>)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin gasps.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What–” Taeyong stops himself to calm down. He harshly pinches the bridge of his nose. “What on earth did you do to make this happen? You’re nothing but a common ghost!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There has been a small problem…” Jaemin admits. He looks up at Taeyong. “Did I become human again because of that?” He cackles. “Wow.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taeyong cocks an eyebrow. “What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow! The deities have such unusual taste! “You’re the first man to ever stand up to me. This is new. Here’s a reward.” Is that what happened?” Jaemin laughs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taeyong clicks his tongue. “A reward? In your dreams,” He rolls his eyes. “Judgement.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Judgement?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” Taeyong glowers. “Before a spirit reincarnates, it gets judged for 49 days up there,” he points to the ceiling. “You know that, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin nods. “Yes. Depending on the judgement, you either reincarnate as a human, a dog or an insect,” He states.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s right,” Taeyong tsks. “But you, you’re being judged here instead.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here? How?” Jaemin perks up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“49 days.” Taeyong warns. “If you return to your place within 49 days, you can continue to stay alive,” He rubs his temples. “I don’t know what you’ll be reborn as if you don’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin stutters. “Ah, what… What do you mean by ‘your place’?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The place where you should’ve been if you didn’t die,” Taeyong leans in closer to Jaemin and gives the younger a serious look. “Your ex–husband’s husband. Your daughter’s father.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin gasps. “That’s crazy!” He shakes his head in disbelief. “How would I get that place back? Jeno remarried!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know!” Taeyong cries out. “I’m trying hard to figure out what their intention is,” He looks up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. No, I’m not doing it,” Jaemin shakes his head with vigor. “I said I’d go up there! We decided that I’d go up!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taeyong fists the collars of Jaemin’s coat and grits his teeth at the younger. “If you were going to go up, then why the hell did you throw a tantrum like that?!” He lets go of Jaemin and sighs. “It’s no use crying over spilled milk. You can’t go up for 49 days!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin huffs. “What… He can’t just…” He sniffs. “This isn’t a reward…” He thinks about Minsun’s smile, how happy she is with Renjun and Jeno, how happy the couple is despite Jaemin not being there. He blinks his tears back and shakes his head furiously. “I can’t do this to them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taeyong slumps in defeat. “Goodness, I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun opens the bottom drawers of his nightstand and takes out a large file.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“JW LAW FIRM DIVORCE ATTORNEY”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He takes out the papers in the file.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Incheon family court, Huang Renjun”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun sighs and clicks his tongue. He hurriedly puts the papers back in the drawer and stares at himself in the mirror.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Do I even want to do this?’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shakes his head and internally scolds himself for being so naive.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the midst of a morning shower, Jeno thinks back to what he saw the night before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not Jaemin. It can’t be. Jaemin died six years ago – It would be satire to say that he was still alive. He knows Jaemin is dead. He died in Jeno’s arms, that trauma wasn’t gone, it still replayed in Jeno’s head from time to time. There’s no reason why Jaemin would be alive.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not just that, but he doesn’t even want to acknowledge the fact that Jaemin could be alive. For one, the deceased cannot come back to life, and two, the trauma will come back to him and he’ll try to take his life again. Jeno isn’t dumb, it’s happened before and although it hasn’t happened in three years, he’s still scared of the possibility that it might happen again. He doesn’t want that for his kid. For Minsun to grow up without her father. She deserves better. Renjun, too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The aching memory of Jaemin’s dead body in his arms makes him shudder, and he has to shake it off in order to get focused on his shower.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin stares at the doorbell in front of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t do this,” He shakes his head. “Mom has a weak heart.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks up at Sungchan’s window. It’s shut, the green curtains fall over the glass with grace. Jaemin sighs. He looks back down at the doorbell.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But still…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s about to press the doorbell when the sound of his own family walking back home and talking amongst themselves registers in Jaemin’s ears. He walks back and hides behind a car.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you call a pig who does karate?” He hears Sungchan say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A pig who does karate? What is it, a piglet?” His father says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin peeks out and sees Sungchan shake his head. “No way! Pork chop!” He laughs. His father gasps. “What? Do kids these days find those things funny?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ah, father. I’m 29 and Sungchan is 28. We aren’t kids anymore,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jaemin thinks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His father tsks and sighs. “Well then, what do you call a cow without legs?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sungchan hums. “What is it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ground beef.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His mother and Sungchan both laugh, and Jaemin finds himself snickering softly too. He shakes his head in mild disbelief. Oh, how he’s missed this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin waits until they’re inside and away from the door to peek out from the car and stare at the house.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wheezes. Yeah, no. He can’t do this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s no place for you in the real world now. Those who are alive will move on anyway,” The old woman – Jung Gwisun – scoffs and shakes her head. “Only those who are stupid live with regrets, but those who are alive don’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The middle aged woman – Sung Mija – agrees. “She’s right about that. You’ve already been forgotten about him. “Following him around will only hurt your feelings.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The spirit sobbing next to them wails as a spirit with purple hair – Zhong Chenle – holds her. “That’s because he can’t see me! But I can,” She whimpers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mija groans. “Nothing changes when he can see you! Even if you get to live again, he wouldn’t welcome you with open arms! He has a new girlfriend now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chenle lightly hits her shoulder and presses a finger to his lips. Mija gasps. “Oh my.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The ghost wails in Chenle’s hold. Chenle shakes his head and silently holds her closer. Mija rolls her eyes. “Everyone can tell that you are a new ghost here… Why do you have so many regrets?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“All ghosts have regrets,” Gwisun counters. “Those without regrets are deities.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mija sighs. “I guess you’re right.” She nods. “Alright. Granny is right about that,” She soothes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait,” Gwisun turns to her with wide eyes. She scowls. “Why the fuck do you keep calling me granny?!” She points at Mija. “You will turn a hundred soon! You will be the same age as my mother!” Mija looks away, embarrassed. “I’m already upset that I died old, do not act like a young lady.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s already upsetting that I died young,” Mija clasps her hands. “Can’t you just let it go?!” Gwisun scoffs. “My, my. That’s absurd.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mija rolls her eyes and turns away. A thought comes across her mind and she tilts her head in confusion. “By the way, I haven’t seen Jaemin since yesterday.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gwisun shakes her head. “I’m sure that silly thing is doing something stupid somewhere.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin scratches a key under the front door carpet of Donghyuck’s restaurant. He opens the door and walks inside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe him,” He sighs as he views the place.”I kept telling him that he would get robbed if he keeps the key there! He really never listens,” He slides the key on the bar.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin delicately touches the walls with his fingertips. Nothing’s changed since the last time he was here – Or, physically here. The wood is the same, alright, the lucky cats still sit on the bar, and in front of him, the many polaroids from their younger days are still pinned on the board. He walks forward to it, and gasps. The order isn’t the same as the last time he left it; Instead of being straight, standing perfectly next to each other, they’re all scattered all over the place, overlapping with each other in an unruly way. Jaemin scowls as he touches the corners of one of the polaroids. “Look at this, you can’t see them properly because they’re all overlapped!” He clicks his tongue in distaste. “I’ve always placed them neatly!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He unpins one down, and pins it back to the bottom, neater this time, and does it to another one, and the cycle repeats until he reaches a specific polaroid with a memory that he could never forget.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s one of him and Jeno, taken by Minhyung when they were 19, fresh out of high school and put into pressuring college, when they seemed to be on top of the world even though they had many problems in their way. They’re holding up peace signs and smiling widely at the camera, the scene around them dimly lit, making them the centre of attention. They glow brightly compared to the background, and Jaemin tears up a bit as he looks at the little doodles he drew on Jeno’s face. He smiles, Taeyong’s words registering in his head as he lets a stray tear fall down his cheek.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You have 49 days. If you return to your place within 49 days, you can continue to stay alive.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin sniffs and wipes the tear away before continuing to reorganize the polaroids.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The place where you should have been if you didn’t die, your husband’s spouse, your daughter’s father.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin walks over to a chair and sits down on it, setting his head down on the bar and sighing. He looks back up. “This isn’t a reward,” He bites his lip. “It’s a punishment.” He tilts his head back and sighs. “I miss you, Minsun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He lays his head back down and drowns himself in sorrow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck whistles a tune as he opens the door to his restaurant and walks in. He looks around the place to check if anything’s happened to it, before he catches sight of the board with the now neatly placed polaroids pinned against it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stops whistling and slows down his steps. He cocks an eyebrow at their positions, and looks behind him to check that he’s the only one there. To what he expected, he is the only one there, and he scoffs in disbelief.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Who– </span>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He shakes his head and runs over to the cash register. He opens it, and the money is still there, but then his eyes widen and he picks up the money to count it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A 10,000 won bill is missing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck chuckles dryly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So it’s gone…” He tsks. “I guess a rat sneaked in last night.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A rat?” Minhyung exclaims as he walks in the hallways of the hospital, talking on the phone with Donghyuck. “Did you just call your husband a rat?! Oh, how dare you– No, it’s not me! Do you think I am a child?!” He sighs. “Why would I steal your money again?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re on your way to the office?” A nurse interrupts. Minhyung nods. “Yes, I am.” He plasters a fake smile on his face before continuing to walk. “A 10,000 won bill? What can I do with only 10,000 won?!” He whisper yells. “I can’t even buy a chicken with it!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin grins widely as he hands over the 10,000 won bill he stole from Donghyuck to the woman in front of him, and takes a long piece of tteokbokki and blows on it to cool it off. “I’m sorry, Hyuck… I promise to pay you back in my own time.” He takes a bite and sighs in content. “Ah, it’s so good!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sir, please slow down… You might choke on it,” The lady informs. “Are you possessed by a ghost or what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin rolls his eyes. “Ma’am, please. A starved ghost doesn’t always possess other people!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The lady scowls at him. “What…?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He smiles sweetly and goes back to eating, smiling in content. It’s been a while since he’s had good food, although he’s sure this life will be short lived. 49 days – Now 48 – isn’t exactly a lot. It’s not nearly enough time to spend the rest of his second chance at life with his family, his ex husband, his daughter, his best friend and his best friend’s husband, etc. He shakes his head and tries to shake the thoughts off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sound of footsteps and a familiar voice saying “Good morning” cuts his thoughts off and he cowers on the other side to avoid the person from seeing him. It’s Jeno, handing the lady a 1,000 won bill and walking over to look at the food choices. Jaemin curses under his breath as Jeno gets closer to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How much is this?” Jeno points to the tteokbokki. Jaemin zones out by then, only returning to reality when he hears Jeno say his goodbyes. Jaemin sighs in relief. “Gosh, that was so close…” He casts his gaze downwards and finds a strangely familiar ID. He picks it up and looks at the picture and name, and then realizes that it’s Jeno’s. He gasps and looks back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, it’s not like he has a choice now, does he?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You keep smoking at your age, that’s why you aren’t getting better,” Jeno informs his patient.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Doctor Lee?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The chart…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno turns to his patient (a 13 year old boy)’s mother. “The chart says…” He looks at the boy in realization. “His age? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Smoking</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno gulps. “Well…” He clears his throat. “Is there a smoker in your family? I– I guess there’s a different person with the same name,” He chuckles awkwardly. He rechecks the patient’s name and waves them off. “Never mind.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Men’s… Fashion…” Minhyung mumbles, scrolling through the comments on his Instagram post as he chews on his rice. “A good looking guy. That’s me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The nurse in front of him giggles. “You never let your phone out of your hands.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it a social media addiction?” Another nurse asks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s worse than an addiction!” A doctor exclaims. “He’s got a whopping 100,000 followers.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gosh! He’s more famous than celebrities!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minhyung rolls his eyes as he side–eyes Jeno from beside him. As he expected, the younger doctor isn’t paying attention, too engrossed on his phone. He sighs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does he post materials about neurosurgery?” A nurse asks. Minhyung looks up from his plate and gapes at her. “What’s wrong with you?!” He sighs. “Sweetheart, please. Who would want to read it? You’re supposed to post things that your followers would want to see. It’s not your journal.” He rolls his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you post?” The nurse asks him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“OOTD,” He grins. “It stands for outfit of the day. What I’m wearing today.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A doctor laughs. “Why would people want to see what you’re wearing today?” Minhyung groans. “Because I make them want to see it. Stuff like clothes or shoes they want to buy,” He demonstrates the phone screen to the doctor. “I show all kinds of limited special edition products. With what, you ask? With my good figure,” A cocky smirk dawns on his face. “That’s how I got 100,000 followers.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno tries his best to ignore them, instead focusing on his plate, unusually quiet for someone who’s close friends with the restless Lee Minhyung (Mark Lee, or whatever his followers call him). This doesn’t go unnoticed by the nurse in front of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Doctor Lee?” She asks, but to no avail, because Jeno doesn’t respond. He looks down at the table silently, a numb expression on his face. Minhyung curiously turns to him, a brow raised in question. He clears his throat. “Doctor Lee, she’s calling you.” Jeno snaps his head up and looks at Minhyung with a dumbfounded expression. “Huh?” Minhyung blinks. “She’s calling you,” He repeats. Jeno looks around. “Who?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is something wrong?” The nurse asks. “You’ve been making mistakes since this morning.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This morning?” Minhyung pipes up. “What mistake?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno shakes his head. “You don’t have to know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The nurse speaks up anyways. “He lost his ID card, and he told a young teenager to stop smoking because he’s old!” She giggles. Minhyung cackles loudly. “To a teenager?!” He turns to Jeno with a serious expression, playful demeanor long gone. “Are you. Are you insane?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m crazy. Are you happy now?” Jeno scoffs. He goes back to his plate and the doctors and nurses – along with Minhyung – quiet down. He snaps his head up again. “Listen… I’m sure that there are people who look awfully alike, who look like twins, right?” He hastily asks. A nurse nods. “There can be people who look alike, but they mostly don’t look identical unless they are real twins. Why do you ask?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno gasps. “It’s very mean of you to say that. They </span>
  <em>
    <span>can</span>
  </em>
  <span> look alike,” He exclaims. “Why is it so hard to understand? You can’t think that way. They can look alike– Isn’t that right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The nurse stares at him with a disappointed look. Minhyung bites his bottom lip to stifle his laughs, and the others look at him with disinterest and bewildered expressions. Jeno clears his throat. “I’m sorry. Finish your meals,” He gets up with his tray and walks out. Minhyung gapes. “What’s wrong with him…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” He yells at Jeno. “What if they look alike? What are you going to do about it, eh?!” He sighs. “Ah, this man.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno turns back around and sprints to the table. He places his palms on the surface and leans on it’s edge. “Alright then,” He growls. “Have you ever seen… A doppelgänger?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A beat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“C’mon,” Minhyung rolls his eyes. “Is that even a question, Jen?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno smacks his face in defeat. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s not even a question.” He proceeds to get up and leaves.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?!” Minhyung screeches. “Can any of you tell me what the hell is going on?! Ah,” He scowls. “You’re crazy! Even a psychiatrist can’t cure such a lunatic!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin looks down at the ID in his hands as he walks on the sidewalk. He sighs and looks back up. His eyes are droopy, and he’s nearly asleep. The sight of a bus stopping at a bus stop catches his eye and he smiles and skips towards it, getting in successfully.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s about to sit down on a seat until another ghost comes in and takes it. He abruptly stops, Taeyong’s words coming back up in his head for the nth time that day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t let other ghosts catch you. If you see them, ignore them. If they find out that you’ve become a human, things will get complicated. Understand?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He clears his throat and looks away, sitting on a different seat instead. He grins when the spirit laughs at the memes on the phone of the stranger next to her. A pleasant sight, really.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin opens the window and sighs in content, fresh air hitting him delicately. He closes his eyes and smiles, a genuine one, raising his cheeks and crinkling the corners of his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno opens his drawer and takes out a small black box with care. He looks down at it and opens it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s his wedding ring – Not the one he had with Renjun, that one is already on his finger – The one from many years before, the one that Jaemin matched with, the one that showed his connection to the love of his life. He heaves a sigh and takes it out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The memories from before flood his head, and he soon finds himself looking up at the sky, as if to speak to the ghost of Jaemin. His hands go numb and he drops the ring, falling to the ground with a small clink. He stares down at it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, how he wishes to turn back time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minhyung grins from ear–to–ear as he walks into Jeno’s office, only to be greeted by the younger man grunting and leaning down to… Pick at the bottom of his desk? Minhyung squints. “Jeno, what the hell are you doing?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno ignores him, instead keeps grunting and cursing under his breath, yelping when he hits his head on the desk. Minhyung rolls his eyes, but walks over to aid his friend anyways. “What is it?” He looks down at where Jeno is trying to reach and finds a ring. He picks it up. “What’s this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, give me that,” Jeno squeaks (yes, really, he squeaks). Minhyung passes it to him. “Why would you take it out?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a long moment of silence before Jeno gulps. “Just ‘cause.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just ‘cause?” Minhyung scoffs. “Why, Jeno?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because,” Jeno sighs. “I saw someone who looked like Jaemin on the street yesterday, and… I got nostalgia, I guess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minhyung squints. “Is that why you were so crazy earlier? All that doppelganger stuff?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno groans. “Let it go, Hyung. Am I not allowed to just see it?” He scoffs. “Is it sacred or what? This isn’t the One Ring.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s the thing, Jeno. You’re the one who made it sacred,” Minhyung counters. “You pretend like it never happened, like you haven’t been drowning in sadness for the past six years. And now, all of a sudden, you want to see it again? The one thing that caused you hurt. Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He looked like him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minhyung furrows his brows. Jeno looks away in embarrassment. “He looked like Jaemin. Like he came back to life.” He inhales sharply. “That’s why. Happy? Ugh, just get out, hyung,” He points to the door and pushes Minhyung out. “Go and post your OODT or something before you lose followers.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minhyung opens his mouth to speak, but Jeno pushes him out quickly and shoves the door closed before the older can say anything. He sighs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin gulps as he walks into the hospital, Jeno’s ID card in his hand. A queasy feeling coils in his stomach; Walking into his ex–husband’s workplace is nostalgic, and overwhelming. He’s not ready for it. But he won’t even see the said male, so he tries not to dwell on it too hard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walks up to the front desk, and gestures to the ID in his hands, trying to get the employee’s attention. “It’s for Doctor Lee, a cardiothoracic surgeon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The employee nods. “Who should I say it is from?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin gulps. “Uh, well… I just found it on the street!” He chuckles nervously. “I’m just passing by.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minhyung sighs as he walks down the stairs, hands in his coat. “Gosh, he’s making me nervous,” He mutters. “They might look alike, but it’s not like Jaemin’s come back to life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As if on cue, when he reaches the bottom of the stairs, he catches sight of a man who looks around his late twenties to early thirties wearing a hot pink coat, with vanilla accents; Just like the one Jeno had gifted Jaemin on their seventh anniversary. His breath hitches in his throat, and his eyes widen as he takes in the fact that the man looks an awful lot like Jaemin. Even the hair is the same – When Jaemin passed away, his hair was a light shade of pink, a rosy hue covering his scalp, and that’s exactly what the stranger’s hair looks like. His eyes have the same twinkle in them; Whenever Jaemin talked to someone, even if it was a complete stranger, his eyes would sparkle and crinkle up with the intensity of his grin. He was always, </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> friendly; No matter who it was. Minhyung’s breathing stops, then gets rapid as he stares and stares and </span>
  <em>
    <span>stares</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It can’t be Jaemin; The dead cannot come back to life, but seeing as the stranger in front of him has an uncanny resemblance to Jaemin, he figures he might as well believe that the dead can, indeed, come back to life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit,” Minhyung breathes out. “What the fuck is going on?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay wait, no, hold– Hold on,” He squeezes his eyes shut, brings the heels of his palms up to his face, and presses them against his shut eyelids, until all he sees are specks of glowing neons, as if to convince himself that he’s just seeing things.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he opens his eyes, the stranger is gone. He startles and gasps. “Oh my!” He shrieks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gosh, I startled,” He nearly faints at the relief, but holds onto his chest dramatically nonetheless. “I’m just seeing things, that’s all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin waits until Minhyung runs off, squealing in fear; Rambling about how he “should’ve taken Hyuck’s advice” and “should’ve just taken his goddamn meds.” He sighs when he cannot hear Minhyung anymore, and stands back up from where he was crouched.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ugh. I shall never get caught by that blabbermouth,” He says as he walks back out, only to find the little family of ghosts that he is close with back at the columbarium.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He abruptly stops in his tracks, and they stare at him in disbelief, jaws dropped and eyes widened. Jaemin registers Taeyong’s words yet again, and decides to ignore them and walk right through them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They follow him, and quickly stop him with the sound of his name. “Jaemin–ah!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin stops. He eerily turns back slowly, and finds the family still staring at him. “What’s going on?” Mr. Jung (the father) asks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin looks up and around, still choosing to ignore them. “I’m sure it’s Jaemin!” The mother, Mrs. Kim, says. Dahyun shakes her head. “But he’s not a ghost… He’s human.” She leans in and huffs hot air at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shivers and fans his face. “Gosh, it’s hot today,” He mutters.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mrs. Kim stammers. “Who– Who are you?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jaemin,” Dahyun says in a sing–song voice. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jaemin</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you not know me? You know me!” Mr. Jung exclaims. They continue to make faces at her and make distracting noises until he coughs and nearly faints as he turns around and runs away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They run after him, shouting his name as they do so.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(But in the end, he outruns them. Serves them right.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(<em>“Didn’t the entire family die together?” Jisung asks. “Why aren’t they going up?”</em></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>“Ah,” Chenle clicks his tongue. “Yoonoh’s family?” He taps on Jung Yoonoh’s picture next to his family. “They can’t leave because of their son.”</em>)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dahyun smacks her lips as she watches her brother, Jung Yoonoh, walk into an elevator. She huffs and gestures to her family. “C’mon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(<em>“Son?” Jisung cocks a brow. Chenle nods. “Yes. They died in a car accident with their nine year old son left alone. They promised to go up once he becomes an adult, and he is one already, but… They still think he’s a kid,” Chenle snickers.</em>)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They reach the top of the hotel, and the family walks into the same room Yoonoh walks into, along with the woman in his grasp. However, they get stopped by Mr. Jung, and Dahyun stares at him questioningly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mrs. Kim starts laughing. “Oh my. He’s just a boy! It’s– It’s a meeting!” She tells Dahyun. “They’re having a meeting, that’s all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dahyun smiles. “In here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mr. Jung nods. “If it’s an important meeting– Yes,” He says. “Let– Uh, let me go in there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He goes through the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>….And then comes back out with a grimace.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(<em>“He’s doing all sorts of things,” Chenle scoffs. “He’s no kid.”</em>)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just a meeting, right?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yes!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(<em>“And the family is quite exceptional,” Chenle grasps onto Jisung’s leg and stares up at him. “Once they pounce on something…” He smirks seductively. “They never let it go.”</em>)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He brought it to the hospital.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno sighs as he looks down at his ID card. “It was so nice of him,” The doctor in front of him says. Jeno hums. “I’m grateful… But why is it backwards…?” He checks the card and takes it out so it can flip the right way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks back at the front where his picture is, and his heart nearly stops at the sight of doodles drawn on the front. It’s the same doodles that Jaemin used to draw on him – Whenever they took a photo together, Jaemin would take the polaroid and draw silly doodles on his face, coupled with the word “Idiot !!” on the bottom of the polaroid. Jaemin would giggle everytime Jeno screeched at him. Jeno always found it annoying, but when Jaemin left, he realized he missed it a lot more than he should’ve.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The doctor speaks to him, but he doesn’t pay attention. His mind traces back to memories of Jaemin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who brought this?” He asks. The doctor shrugs. “I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A nurse opening the door interrupts them. “Doctor Lee, you should go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Jeno asks. “An emergency patient with cardiac rapture. There’s no other surgeon available right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Call the operating room to see who finishes earliest,” Jeno counters.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I already did. The one that ends earliest is five hours later,” The nurse crosses his arms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Send him to another hospital.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He could die on the way. Please help, Doctor Lee, we need you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno looks around nervously before gulping.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Doctor Lee, he might die.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno blinks rapidly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(</span>
  <em>
    <span>“Otherwise, he might die!” Jeno yells. Doyoung huffs. “I already said no.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Send him off,” Doyoung angrily yells.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>“But I can do this, hyung please,” Jeno pleads. “Why won’t you let me do it? I can save him, Doctor!”</em>)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Doctor Lee.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno looks up. He casts his gaze on the floor, the tension in the room high as he decides.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The chest is open. You can start immediately.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno nods. He nervously walks into the room, stopping when he sees the patient. He inhales sharply and walks in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s a lot of bleeding,” A nurse warns. “BP is under control.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He firmly nods before gulping and looking down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gosh. There’s so much blood. The stench leaves an odd feeling of agony in his chest, takes him back to a place when he was a young man, naive and fearless, saving someone else’s life when he could’ve been saving his husband’s. And, well, yeah, it sucks, because the trauma hasn’t left him yet and it </span>
  <em>
    <span>pains</span>
  </em>
  <span> him, in his chest and down to his stomach, where beneath an odd mix of acid and organs is his heart, most likely, from how it’s dropped so many times due to the exhaustion and trauma and it hurts. It hurts him to be this traumatized, he hasn’t performed a surgery in four years,</span>
  <em>
    <span> four fucking years</span>
  </em>
  <span> and it’s his job; Even Doyoung and the other nurses and doctors who work there know that he needs to just suck it up and do his goddamn job. But they don’t understand him. None of them do, except for Minhyung, who sympathizes with him whole–heartedly no matter what he himself has been through, even if he still has his beloved husband right by his side, alive and breathing; unlike Jeno, who should have Na Jaemin next to him, but he’s not there because he’s dead and Jeno could’ve saved him and suddenly, his cries and his sobs and the memories of Minhyung pulling him off of Jaemin’s corpse come back to him, racing though his head like horses. It’s too much. He can’t do this. He can’t fix someone up and put them back together because of his trauma.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno’s heart stutters.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t do this.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We're just worried, that’s all,” Joohyun says as she places two sugar cubes in her tea. “Please don’t take it personally. It’s just that, after hearing about everything, something doesn’t feel right,” She sighs and looks at Renjun straight in the eye. “Especially with the freezer incident.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Seulgi joins in. “Miso says she caught Minsun talking to herself many, many times.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Joohyun nods, completely ignoring the nasty look Renjun sends her way, “One day, they were playing house. Chiin said he wanted to play as the father, and Minsun said, “This kid is the father,” as she pointed to the air,” She shivers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Exactly,” Seulgi agrees. “You see? We have kids too, it’s a mother’s instinct – We couldn’t just sit back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun looks down at his hands and fiddles with his fingers as Seulgi keeps speaking. “On top of that, Minsun can’t talk as much as the other kids either.” He ignores their fake smiles and pulls his mug of coffee up to his lips to take a sip. “You must be very concerned…” Joohyun trails off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seungwan clears her throat, an attempt at . “My niece is in therapy too,” She smiles; Except it’s genuine this time, and Renjun smiles back at her. “I could give you the number, if you want…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Give him the number!” Joohyun exclaims. “Minsun needs it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Renjun sighs as he slowly puts down his mug, an unreadable expression on his face. He may look calm, but deep down, he’s screeching and pulling his own hair out in frustration. He’s sick of this shit – There’s nothing wrong with his– With Minsun. As stupid and foolish as it sounds, he considers Minsun as his own child, his own daughter (although it does feel a bit disrespectful to Jaemin to call Minsun his child). Okay, so Minsun lost her other father. But she’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>alone</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Jeno’s with her, Renjun’s with her, she has friends at school, there’s nothing wrong with her. All kids talk to themselves. They play by themselves, it’s nothing Seungwan and Joohyun and Seulgi should be concerned about. He looks up to Joohyun and looks at her straight in the eye, just like she did to him. He smiles lightly, but it’s menacing, annoyed, irritated.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you all going to put your kids in English kindergartens?” He asks. Seungwan nods. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Joohyun perks up. “Do you know a good one? Ah, now you’re talking. We should all exchange information and hang out–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you really have that much time?” Renjun interrupts. “How can you be that interested in someone else’s child?” He shakes his head and resists the urge to scoff at Joohyun and Seulgi’s dumbfounded expressions. “I know what’s best for Minsun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He clears his throat softly. “Will you just... Mind your own business?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seulgi pulls a snarl on him, but he quickly dismisses it and gets up. He walks away with his hands in his pockets, Dr. Martens platforms squeaking on the polished floor; Without even bowing goodbye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighs as he opens the door and walks out, an incoming call on his phone. He picks up. “Hello…? Yes. I’m sorry, I got caught up on something. I’ll be right there.” He hangs up before calling his pick–up helper. “It’s Minsun’s father, Renjun. Please pick up Minsun today. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door in front of Jaemin opens, and he turns his head to see Minsun running towards him with a large grin on her face. He gasps and opens his arms, to which Minsun gleefully basks in. She hugs him tightly, and his breath stops circuiting for a moment as he registers what just happened in his head. It’s the first time his daughter’s hugged him like this – Every time he ran up to her with open arms, she would turn away and hug Renjun instead, who would pull her tight and smile with that genuine smile of his. Minsun would smile at Renjun like he was the universe, like she admired him, and well. It was bound to hurt Jaemin; up until now, his daughter didn’t really know about his existence. And it sucks. Because he’s Minsun’s father, not Renjun, and yet – And yet. Renjun is in his place. And will continue to be, because Jaemin cares too much about Minsun and Jeno to take Renjun away from them (also, he may or may not consider Renjun to be one of his best friends, but that’s none of your business).</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes burn with tears as he settles his hand on the small of Minsun’s back. He closes his eyes and basks in Minsun’s grasp, nothing but comfort and happiness finding it’s way into Jaemin’s heart. He blinks his tears back and smiles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello,” He sniffles. “Hello, Minsun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, there you are, Minsun!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin looks up to see a teacher walking towards them, a small smile on her face.She stops at the sight of Jaemin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh… Who are you?” She gasps before laughing. “Ah, you’re the pick–up helper. Right?” She smiles at him and kneels down to Minsun. “Minsun–ah, your uncle is here. Dad said you could go home with your uncle!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin stands awkwardly, hands balled up in his coat’s pockets as the teacher stands up and looks at him. “You can take her home now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He blinks. “What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minsun grasps his hand with her small one, and he looks down to see her smiling up at him. He smiles back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you call yourself a doctor?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno fiddles with his fingers as Doyoung sits in front of him. He looks down at his hands. Doyoung groans loudly and continues.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How could you leave your patient during a laparotomy?!” Doyoung yells. He stares at Jeno for a moment before grabbing his ID and throws it on the floor with force. “Throw away your license,” He whispers. “Throw it away, you moron!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Doyoung clicks his tongue before sighing. “I’ve been way too easy on you, haven’t I…” He pushes Jeno onto the wall. “Are you trying to screw me over?! Is that it?!” He screeches. “If I hadn’t finished early, that patient would be dead by now! </span>
  <em>
    <span>You almost killed a person today!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno stays silent through it all. He registers someone running up to Doyoung before glancing up momentarily. It’s Minhyung. He glances back down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Doctor, please. Calm down,” Minhyung pleads. “I need to talk to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t fucking tell me to calm down!” Doyoung shrieks. Minhyung bows slightly. “My apologies. Please come with me for a second.” He pulls Doyoung’s arm, but the elder just keeps standing there, gaze fixated on Jeno like a madman. It takes a while for them to leave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they are gone, a nurse kindly picks Jeno’s ID up and hands it back to him. He mutters a “thank you” before looking down at the word “idiot!!” written on the front in bold permanent marker. He chuckles dryly. “I really am an idiot… Huh…?” He clasps his ID back on and presses the heels of his palms to his eyes. “I’m so sorry, <em>Jaemin</em>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Claustrophobia?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minhyung nods. “But the thing is, it’s not an ordinary case,” He crosses his arms and looks out into the window. “He only reacts to certain places.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Doyoung stares at him, bewildered, eyes narrowed and brows raised. He stutters. “You mean– Like, operating rooms?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minhyung gives a firm nod. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Doyoung looks down at the papers on his desk. “A cardiothoracic surgeon afraid of operating rooms?” He slowly looks back up to Minhyung. The younger nods again. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Doyoung stares at him for a few seconds in peace before abruptly grabbing a random book and raising it. Minhyung falls back. Doyoung scoffs and throws the book back on the desk. “I can’t believe you,” He chuckles dryly. “I can’t fucking believe you. Why are you only just now telling me this?” He growls. “For four damn years, you’ve been blaming it on his hand tremors. If you’d just told me the truth, I would’ve had him treated or something!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Doctor Kim–” Minhyung stammers. “He refuses treatment!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A beat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve tried just about everything to put him on medication, but he’s just too damn stubborn. He doesn’t want treatment, period!” Minhyung lashes out. Doyoung pulls at his own hair. “But why not?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minhyung sighs and slumps on his seat. He shakes his head. “I don’t even know if I can answer that, Dongyoung.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Doyoung startles at the use of his legal name and the lack of honorifics, but he brushes it off and chooses to listen to Minhyung instead. “He looks fine, so everyone assumes he’s over it. But in reality, he’s not.” Minhyung crosses his arms and looks down at the floor in sorrow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Doyoung doesn’t say anything after that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno sighs as he stares up into the columbarium. It’s been a while since he last came here. It’s too hurtful for him. He doesn’t give himself a reason to do it. But he guesses he can let today slide, what with what happened earlier at the hospital. Besides, he owes Jaemin a visit. The younger probably misses him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walks in with confidence and stops at the glass box where Jaemin’s urn is placed in. He inhales shakily. The many pictures of Jaemin decorate around the urn, his full name “Na Jaemin” imprinted onto the urn in black. Cherry blossoms and blue hydrangeas cover the top of his urn – Jaemin’s favorite flowers, Jeno notes. He looks down at Minsun’s picture, and then at the one with him and Jaemin, the same small doodles drawn on Jeno’s face with the word “idiot!!” written next to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno blinks his tears away and lifts up his ID to compare it with the photo of him and Jaemin. As he expected, it’s the same exact doodles, the same handwriting as well. It’s strange – Nobody else besides Jaemin did those doodles, wrote the word “idiot!!” like that, not even Donghyuck who always had an odd grudge against Jeno, not even Minhyung who just loved to tease Jeno </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>(and Jaemin) for the littlest things. He sniffles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is this?” He breathes out. He stares at Jaemin’s small portrait next to his urn, as if staring into Jaemin’s soul, as a faint memory traces back to his mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(</span>
  <em>
    <span>“Ah, what’s Nana drawing now?” Jeno asks playfully. He looks over Jaemin’s shoulder and sighs, the younger is drawing silly doodles on his face in a polaroid with a black marker. “Come on! You’re gonna be a father soon, don’t– Don’t you think this is too childish?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jaemin gasps dramatically and looks up at him in disgust. “I’m gonna tell our child everything when we adopt them! Ugh,” He looks back down at the polaroid. “I’ve been telling you this since yesterday,” He whimpers.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Okay, fine, I’m sorry,” Jeno kneels. “I’ll definitely get strawberries tomorrow.” He stands back up and places his palm flat on the desk. “I’ll get all the strawberries at every supermarket in the neighbourhood. You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Jaemin?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jaemin rolls his eyes. “Forget it, Jeno–yah.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You should wipe out all the strawberries in the world,” Jeno scoffs. “The end of strawberries, due to Na Jaemin!” He chuckles playfully and grabs onto Jaemin’s shoulders. “Hey now, stop that.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Our child would love strawberries,” Jaemin huffs. Jeno gasps. “Really now? Ah, dear child, just wait a few more weeks, okay? When we adopt I promise I’ll gift you all the strawberries in the world.”</span>
  </em>
  <span>)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno blinks his tears back again. He chuckles at the memory. “Jaemin… I’m so sorry,” Jeno sighs. “I couldn’t give Minsun strawberries like I promised I would. Well, actually, she’s allerg–”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s cut off by the sound of his phone ringing. He grabs it and looks at the caller ID; Huang Renjun. He dismisses it momentarily and looks back up at Jaemin’s urn. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What’s left of him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He picks up the call as he walks out of the columbarium. “Hey, Jun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Doyoung,” Taeyong warns. “What the hell is wrong with you today?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Doyoung looks up at the older and scoffs. “A cardiothoracic surgeon is scared of operating rooms. Can you believe that, Yong?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taeyong shrugs. “It depends on what caused it. What traumatic experience have they gone through to cause their truma?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Doyoung gulps. He rests his gaze on his food. “His husband’s death,” He says, voice barely above a whisper.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taeyong looks down at the table. “Oh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s been four years since he last performed a surgery. It’s been six years since his husband’s death,” Doyoung sighs and puts his head in his hands. “I lashed out at him multiple times without knowing exactly what caused his fear. I feel terrible, Yong.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Taeyong walks over to Doyoung and engulfs him in a warm embrace. “Don’t feel bad. You didn’t know,” He comforts. “Now that you know, try not to lash out at him again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, Taeyong,” Doyoung wraps his arms around the older’s waist. “I won’t do it again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taeyong sighs and closes his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Good.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin holds onto Minsun’s hand tightly, her backpack slung over his shoulder as he looks down at her and smiles. Their feet scrape against the cold concrete, and Jaemin sighs in content as they abruptly stop. He kneels down and smiles at her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, look at you.. You’re so pretty, Minsun!” He pinches Minsun’s cheeks and beams. “Minsun, you don’t know who I am, do you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minsun nods. “I do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His smile falters. He clears his throat. “Oh, you do? Then…” He looks down at the concrete momentarily before looking back up. “Who am I?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minsun shakes her head. “I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin chuckles nervously before grabbing her small hands and smiles again. “That’s okay.” He sniffles. “That’s alright. Let’s go home now.” He gets up and starts walking, but she stays in place, causing him to look down and kneel again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” He asks. “We have to go home, Minsun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She points behind him, and he looks back momentarily before laughing breathlessly. “You want to play over there?” When she gives a nod, he looks back and bites his lower lip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin looks up. The moon is out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s unsure if this will be considered kidnapping, but he figures it isn’t. He is, Minsun’s father, so why would it be?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno sighs as Renjun calls him again. He picks up. “Hey, Renjun. Can I call you back-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jeno.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stops at the older’s shaky voice. Renjun never sounds like this - And if he does, it means something is wrong. Jeno gulps.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What should we do…?” Renjun says. Jeno furrows his brows. “What? Is there something wrong? What happened?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Minsun…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno stops breathing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Minsun is missing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A beat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jaemin?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minhyung nods. “Yeah. Jeno said he saw someone who looked like him,” He sighs and shakes his head. “I thought he was over it already.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Even if he is,” Donghyuck picks at the wooden counter beneath them. “He can’t help but to be reminded of him every now and then.” He leans his head on Minhyung’s shoulder. “Whenever I see someone who looks even a bit like Jaemin on the street, my heart skips a beat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He said he almost thought Jaemin came back alive,” Minhyung counters. He looks down at Donghyuck. “What do we do with him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck looks up and furrows his brows. “He thought Jaemin came back alive?” He asks, voice barely above a whisper. He clicks his tongue and looks away, instead wraps his arms around Minhyung’s waist. “Imagine how great that would be…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Minhyung startles. “What are you talking about? If he comes back alive now, then what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck looks up at him and sends him a death glare. He releases Minhyung and crosses his arms angrily. “Hey. I know it’s impossible anyway,” He narrows his eyes and grits his teeth. “But why do you talk about it as if it shouldn’t happen?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because it shouldn’t,” Minhyung crosses his arms as well. “Think about it! In this situation? It would be a disaster for Renjun!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How can it be a disaster?! It’s a blessing to have a dead person come back to life!” Donghyuck scoffs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hyuck. Renjun and Jeno are married. Have been for three years,” Minhyung holds up three fingers. “Jaemin and Jeno were together for thirteen years. Married for eight. If Jaemin comes back to life, then Renjun and Jeno’s relationship would crumble into pieces and Jeno wouldn’t know what to do!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Donghyuck sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. Afraid that he might’ve hurt the younger, Minhyung scoots closer to him and hugs him. “Hey. Was I too loud?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you have a good point,” Donghyuck sniffles. “I just… I just miss him,” He buries his head into Minhyung’s chest, arms tightly wrapped onto his waist. “I miss Jaemin so much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, Hyuck, I know,” Minhyung closes his eyes and lets his own tears fall at the sound of Donghyuck’s quiet sobs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I miss him too.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>***</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin cries as he holds onto Minsun tightly. She fell, because of him. She’s bleeding, because of him. She’s crying, because of him. Gosh. How many more things is he going to mess up before he dies again?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry,” Jaemin sobs. Minsun sobs harder. “Papa is so sorry. I’m sorry, Minsun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The stench and sight of blood reminds him of his crash. It reminds him about how he felt that day - Cold and hurt. His body was in pain. His legs bled and his arms were bent as he laid on the concrete, tears running down his face as he repeated the words “I’m sorry, Minsun” like a mantra. He wasn’t just physically hurt; He was emotionally hurt, too, thanks to the fact that him and Jeno had just adopted Minsun a week before that day. The worst part? Jaemin knew he was going to die. When he got hit, he instantly knew he was dying. Knew because of the way he couldn’t stop bleeding. Knew because of the way he choked on his own blood, clogging his throat and he couldn’t even cry. He couldn’t scream or cry or call out for help because he knew he was dying. The only thing he could do was lay there motionlessly and accept his fate of death.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please stop crying,” Jaemin says as he holds Minsun’s cheeks in his hands, despite sobbing himself. “I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <strong>***</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno pants as he runs around the neighbourhood. “Minsun!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stops his feet at the sight of a man in a fluorescent pink coat kneeling down and holding what looks like his daughter, Minsun. “What…?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It looks a lot like the coat he’d gifted Jaemin on their seventh anniversary. The resemblance is uncanny; The insides are vanilla white, the hood slumps behind the man’s back, and the buttons are small, but the same color as the overall pink. Jeno’s breath hitches in his throat as he walks slowly to them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sight makes him collapse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s Jaemin, alright - His face is red, tears running down his cheeks, yet his eyes have that same twinkle in them, as he looks up at Jeno, arms wrapped tightly onto Minsun. His hair is a dreamy pink, roots brown, just like his hair was at the time of his death, he still wears a light blue hoodie under the pink coat, and his sobs only grow harder as Jeno walks closer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(</span>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t you know what Jeno has been through?” Minhyung caresses Donghyuck’s hair as the younger sobs into his chest. “I’m just saying, it’d be unfair if he has to go through it all again.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Donghyuck shakes his head and lightly hits Minhyung’s arm. “What’s unfair is Jaemin’s death!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He looks up at Minhyung and stops his sobbing. “He never even got to hold his own child in his arms, Minhyung,” He whimpers. “Not even once.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He slams his hand on the counter. “If it’s possible, he should come back to life no matter what it takes!”</span>
  </em>
  <span>)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno blinks tears back as Jaemin’s eyes meet his.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What…” Jeno gulps. “Jaemin…?”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Four years ago</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jeno and Jaemin, age 25</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jeno sniffles as he crouches down on the concrete. He hides his face in his knees and cries.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jaemin sits next to him, and albeit being a ghost, he smiles sadly at Jeno and holds him - Although he cannot feel his touch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Jaemin sniffles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m so sorry for leaving you, Jeno.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i changed jaemin's sibling to sungchan bc it makes more sense to me !!</p><p>my twitter is locked so i cant post it onto here :(</p><p>im active on my private account but it's impossible to find me there, instead try reaching me at [redacted] but im not active on there either soo good luck trying to find me &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>